Run Cinderella, Run (working title)
A bored accountant, disenchanted with life, thinks she?ll get a break on the ski slopes. Until she gets into a ski accident with a famous actor, who will do anything, including inventing a fake relationship, and turning her world upside down, to stay on top
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Hi,
It’s a good idea for a RomCom but needs a few tweaks.
Firstly, grammatically it needs changing. You end one sentence and then start the next with ‘until’. Really there shouldn’t be a break/pause here, it reads incorrectly. It needs to flow, reading as “…on the ski slopes until…
Secondly, I think a disenchanted accounted is fine, but bored doesn’t really fit. If she’s bored wouldn’t being thrown into a dashing celebrities world be exactly what she needs to shake things up? Maybe if she was shy or a complete ball breaker that would be better.
Finally, you could reduce the word count to make room for better explaining the celebrities motivation. You say it’s to stay on top. What do you mean by that? Is he a fading celebrity hoping the accident will help relaunch his career somehow? Does the accident make headlines? How will a bored account solve his dilemma?
Maybe something along the lines of:
“A disenchanted accountant collides with a washed up Hollywood star in a skiing accident making national news, leading him to try and use the situation to relaunch his failing career against her wishes”
This is something I just scribbled down and needs work but gives you an idea of what I’m thinking.
Good luck.
It’d be even better if he was a total skeez telling people he saved her life, turning himself into a hero, snowballing the story further and further so she is literally thrust into it…before naturally realising he’s a nice guy, falling for him – yada yada 🙂
Sounds like a good comedy! But I think it needs something that tells it apart from other movies. Also a question, why the ski accident is important? Could it be another accident?
@ Vania – The short answer is the ski accident is essential because the inspiration behind this is the Sundance Film Festival, which is smack dab in the center of ski season. And the film festival atmosphere is integral to the plot for a number of reasons
The logline switches focus as to who is the protagonist and what is the principal story line. It starts out about a bored accountant. Then it switches focus to a famous actor.
Who is the protagonist? Whose dramatic struggle provides the unity of action that drives the story, the accountant’s or the actor’s?
The logline seems to switch protagonists. First the focus is on the accountant. Then the focus switches to the actor. Who is the protagonist? Whose story line provides the unity of action to drive the plot?
If the accountant is the protagonist, then “get a break” is too vague to constitute an objective goal. Get a break for what? If the accountant is the protagonist, what is her specific objective goal?
Ditto if the actor is the protagonist: “fake a relationship” for what specific objective goal? “Stay on top ” is a general goal, but loglines are about a specific, urgent objective goal.
What are the stakes in their relationship? That is, Who stands to win what if the protagonist (whoever he/she is) achieves his/her objective goal (whatever it is)? Who stands to lose what if he/she fails?