Superhero
sanidya26Penpusher
A boy who spent all his life believing he was weak, suddenly discovers that there is something, something special about himself. He never understood until he fell 1200 feet off a mountain during a trek; and survived without a scratch.
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Hello, this logline is a quite long description of a couple of scenes (boy week, boy fell, boy has not a scratch). You should state clearly the goal of the main character and what is against it.
“When a fragile boy fell from a high cliff without a scratch, he ______________”
‘When a weak-willed boy survives a mountain fall without injury…’
That’s pretty much all you have, everything else is filler or implied. Okay, he finds something special about being practically invulnerable, but what the reader needs to know is what he plans to do with this ability.
What does he do with his super powers? What stops him? What must he overcome to reach his ultimate goal?
That is the story. You have an interesting marketing line.
“A boy who spent all his life believing he was weak, suddenly discovers that there is something, something special about himself”
This could potentially be a tag line for marketing purposes but shouldn’t be in the logline.
It seams that falling off a mountain is a significant enough an event to suffice for an inciting incident. In my opinion start the logline with:
After a boy falls 1200 feet off a mountain and survives without a scratch?
Only you will need to come up with a goal that correlates to this inciting incident appropriately.
Hope this helps.
You’ve repeated the word “Something”, so correct that. About the logline itself, you’ve better go back and improve on it. It reads as an event, and it doesn’t really reveal the goal and the conflict he must face/overcome. May this also help you in your process.