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SaintPeterPenpusher
Posted: August 24, 20142014-08-24T00:46:21+10:00 2014-08-24T00:46:21+10:00In: Public

A boy with a serious heart condition must help his school soccer team win their first trophy in their history before the school board cuts all sports.

Victory Road

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    8 Reviews

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    1. Adam Bernstr?m Samurai
      2014-08-25T06:45:15+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2014 at 6:45 am

      There is a phenomenon where young athletes collapse and die during sports events, which I understand, is a heart condition. What if it is this heart condition that he has, and he risks dying if he plays the match?

      Just a thought.

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    2. Adam Bernstr?m Samurai
      2014-08-25T06:45:15+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2014 at 6:45 am

      There is a phenomenon where young athletes collapse and die during sports events, which I understand, is a heart condition. What if it is this heart condition that he has, and he risks dying if he plays the match?

      Just a thought.

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    3. [Deleted User]
      2014-08-25T03:27:45+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2014 at 3:27 am

      Do not change nothing it is very god logline!

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    4. [Deleted User]
      2014-08-25T03:27:45+10:00Added an answer on August 25, 2014 at 3:27 am

      Do not change nothing it is very god logline!

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    5. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2014-08-24T12:24:49+10:00Added an answer on August 24, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      Good re work of OP’s logline and good call on placing the inciting incident at the begging of the logline. I think though that the stakes need further clarification by letting the heart condition present a choice the MC must make between 2 irreconcilable goods.

      When his school threatens to de-fund sports, a soccer phenom with a serious heart condition must choose between leading his team to their first championship or a crucial procedure in a far away hospital.?

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    6. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2014-08-24T12:24:49+10:00Added an answer on August 24, 2014 at 12:24 pm

      Good re work of OP’s logline and good call on placing the inciting incident at the begging of the logline. I think though that the stakes need further clarification by letting the heart condition present a choice the MC must make between 2 irreconcilable goods.

      When his school threatens to de-fund sports, a soccer phenom with a serious heart condition must choose between leading his team to their first championship or a crucial procedure in a far away hospital.?

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    7. Richiev Singularity
      2014-08-24T06:01:33+10:00Added an answer on August 24, 2014 at 6:01 am

      “When his school threatens to de-fund sports, a soccer phenom with a serious heart condition vows to lead his team to their first championship, while keeping his condition a secret.”

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    8. Richiev Singularity
      2014-08-24T06:01:33+10:00Added an answer on August 24, 2014 at 6:01 am

      “When his school threatens to de-fund sports, a soccer phenom with a serious heart condition vows to lead his team to their first championship, while keeping his condition a secret.”

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