21st
A brilliant, genetically engineered con-artist has three days to find the scientist who programmed her to die on her twenty first birthday.
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lol thanks for the ideas! you certainly have an active imagination!
“…is in read…” should be “…is in red…” NEED MORE COFFEE…
That’s what makes compelling movies. Anyone can come up with a thousand reasons why she should hate the guy. Finding the ‘twist’ as to why she doesn’t is the fun part. Could be an E-date he arranges that she meets falls in love and then finds out about the expiration date. Maybe this is what he routinely does for those about to expire – to give them enough time to get things in order and also as a safety measure. They don’t want them dying while they’re driving a busload of school children. Of course, the better ‘safety valve’ would be that they die in their sleep, which could lead to some interesting possibilities (trying to extend the deadline and such).
Another scenario just crossed my eyeballs: The guy on the date has the I.D.I.O.T. job: “Immediate Delivery: Information of Official Termination”. He doesn’t know he’s the company’s inside joke. The “Immediate Delivery:” is in read and at a slant but the Information of Official Termination is in black and centered. So, he falls in love… has three days… yadda, yadda, yadda. Could be a drama, comedy, rom-com or dark comedy.
Ohhhh i get it… expiration DATE haha boy am i slow. Cool add on! but why would she love the scientist who programmed her to die?
The date is convenient as an expiration date. It just clicks with the concept (who ever schedules anything for a 32nd B’day?). Also it gives the actress’ age right up front. That she isn’t aware of the ‘date’ till three days before isn’t a problem for me. Lots of ways, in the script, to make that ‘discovery’.
The title, “Expiration Date” is simply a double entendre for her termination and how she might avoid it with a date. If the guy who can stop it falls in love with her then chances are he’ll do everything he can to stop it. Here’s a twist: He knows she’s designed to be a con so he doesn’t trust her enough to void the E-date (hmm, E-date… might be a better title) so he extends it two weeks at a time. Now she must convince him she really does love him, (which she does) to get a permanent extension. Of course, her genetic wiring works against her… and now we have a comedy.
Actually if I lose the 21st birthday idea, it does make the logline a lot simpler:
A bio-engineered con-artist has three days to find her maker before she self destructs.
Hmm… I’ll keep tweaking…thanks for the input everyone!
Good point!
Thanks for your feedback! I agree it feels a bit crammed, and I really like term bio-genetic android! Something to consider, although I don’t see her as an android, just genetically modified – tweaked like genetically modified food. She’s intentionally designed to con, to be beautiful, confident, manipulative, eloquent and to die early – for a reason – which she will discover.
I’m a bit unsure about “before she is terminated”. It’s concise, but it doesn’t suggest she’s programmed to die – it could mean they’re gonna put a bullet in her head.
nice rewrite cynosurer! But how does an online dating service help sell the title “Expiration Date”?
Just curious? Why did she procrastinate so long, I would have started searching years before if i’d been programmed to die.
That is a good logline Fejumas, if con artist is important to the plot it could be replaced with Android.
With only three days before her 21st birthday, a genetically engineered con-artist must hunt down her maker before she is terminated.
Ooops, sorry about the double post. Not sure how that happened…
I?m stumbling on how the brilliant? and genetically engineered? and con-artist? are connected. Sounds a bit too much cramming into the logline. Perhaps concentrate on one major trait. Or highlight why being a con-artist is tied into the goals/stakes. Also, I think it?s important to be clear if the protag is an android or more like a replicant in Blade Runner.
A biogenetic android must hunt down her maker before her life is terminated in three days.
With only three days before her 21st birthday, a biogenetic android must hunt down her maker before she is terminated.
I’m stumbling on how the “brilliant” and “genetically engineered’ and “con-artist” are connected. Sounds a bit too much cramming into the logline. Perhaps concentrate on one major trait. Or highlight why being a con-artist is tied into the goals/stakes. Also, I think it’s important to be clear if the protag is an android or more like a replicant in Blade Runner.
A biogenetic android must hunt down her maker before her life is terminated in three days.
With only three days before her 21st birthday, a biogenetic android must hunt down her maker before she is terminated.
oops left off the word ‘use’
A genetically engineered, con artist must use a computer dating service to find the scientist who set her 21st birthday, just three days away, as her expiration date.
Perhaps:
A brilliant, genetically engineered, con artist must find the scientist who set her 21st birthday, just three days away, as her expiration date.
Title: Expiration Date.
Of course, if she tracks him down through an online dating service that would really sell the title… and could be a nice addition to the logline.
A genetically engineered, con artist must a computer dating service to find the scientist who set her 21st birthday, just three days away, as her expiration date.
Thank you Kriss and Lucius for the quick feedback! I agree it needs more but it’s hard to say more with only 25 words! Lucius the 21st b-day is a big part of the concept…the young age makes it more tragic…is it not obvious it’s 3days before her 21st?
If not how about…
With three days left to live, a brilliant genetically engineered con artist must find the scientist who programmed her to die on her 21st birthday.
You could probably push the urgency a bit more if you changed it to “before she dies”, since I don’t think the actual age is important. I mean, who likes dying? Nobody.
I really like this idea. The log line works but just feels a little flat and think something needs to bring it to life a bit more. Maybe if this is word choice or perhaps a greater obstacle within the entire plot, but I do think it is a good idea and does highlight a protagonist, an antagonist, stakes, and goal but I want more lol. Think it just needs something to grip an audience even more. The idea reminds me of In Time which has a great premise but failed to deliver the goods. Good work on the line though as definitely does its job.