A brutal assassin wins custody of his children, one of them can tell the future and they must use his gift to find a way to end their father's gruesome acts, or their life becomes endangered.

Question

Posted: January 7, 20132013-01-07T03:11:10+10:00 2013-01-07T03:11:10+10:00In: Public

Last Chance(revised 3)

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bryson · Answer 1 · 2013-01-07T06:39:11+10:00

I like this concept a lot.

I do feel like the focus of the kid with the powers is lost because for some reason my mind keep getting drawn to the assassin.

timmyelliot · Answer 2 · 2013-01-07T07:02:38+10:00

I like it.

I think it’s “…their lives become…”

TX · Answer 3 · 2013-01-07T07:47:17+10:00

Yeah you’re right, the boy with the gift is actually the protagonist along with his sister, i should find a way to bring him the spotlight on him.

Thanks timmyelliot, I’ll change that.

TX · Answer 4 · 2013-01-09T07:15:33+10:00

Does this mean this log-line is already perfect.? Someone help me out here.

bryson · Answer 5 · 2013-01-09T12:03:13+10:00

Not perfect but in my opinion you are not far from there with a few modifications. Are you going to make another submission?

TX · Answer 6 · 2013-01-10T06:36:44+10:00

Nope i think i’m okay with this. Thanks