Estranged Mission
Rutger OosterhoffLogliner
"A CIA agent pulled out of retirement is tasked with [Stakes: capturing a terrorist in Palestine] which is his [antag: estranged daughter]. Will he follow his heart or serve his country?"
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Pfffff – saved by the bell?!? http://www.globalresearch.ca/oil-found-by-israel-should-belong-to-palestine-3-5-billion-barrels-of-oil-reserves-on-the-border-between-israel-and-palestine/5362043
My writer does not want to change the “oil” facts anymore, bummer!!
I’m confused, what is the logline proposed here about an attack planned in an Israeli-Palestinian summit or a beauty pageant?
Also I would be wary of writing about a sensitive subject held close to many people’s hearts with out knowing the facts and history intimately.
Two big questions your posts above raise:
– you wrote “…capturing a terrorist in Palestine…” there are Palestinian territories and there is Israel Palestine doesn’t exist. Political opinions aside and in a practical sense, where is the story located in Israel or the Palestinian territories?
This distinction is incredibly important if you are writing on this subject matter and held in very high regard by many people whom will need to read the script before the film gets made.
– you wrote “…As long as the world needs oil reserves to fuel it?s energy cost. They?ll never not occupy the Middle East. This is a war of money not politics…”
I am not sure this statement rings true to most terrorists or IDF personal. There is no oil being pumped out of the ground for international markets in either Israel or Palestinian territories. At most there is very little and to the degree that would hardly impact any economy much less be able to supply any other countries in the world.
Why would terrorists in Palestinian territories care about oil and money if they are driven by their own ideology?
Hope this helps.
Yes FFF, it is already written. It originally was about an Israeli-Palestinian peace summit. Now it is about.. [read ‘AL’L of the above…] in this story ‘The terrorists and the military want “a clean fuel” VIP dead, both for their own reasons. The CIA isn’t really the bad guy here…
YASER
PRO is much deeper than just Palestine. We have liasions in the military whom?s interest, help our interest.
JAMAL
I thought we were against the Americans?
YASER
Their ideals. Yes. But capitalism is the true intentions of peace. Do you really think the US military wants peace for the Palestinian? No.
(beat)
As long as the world needs oil reserves to fuel it?s energy cost. They?ll never not occupy the Middle East. This is a war of money not politics.
Jamal is hanging on Yaser?s every word.
YASER (CONT?D)
When that American oil rep was beheaded. Do you think that had to do with PRO?s radical beliefs? The world at large and the US government was meant to believe so. We never kidnapped him, he was handed over by military escort. If targets like Max Sanders actually get the people to believe in true freedom. Then there is no need for soldiers and wars. And that has always kept America in power. No wars, no money, no power.
EXT. ADJACENT ROOF FROM PLAZA – SAME
Roy is crouched down out of site. He has earphones on connected to a digital recorder that is connected to a directional microphone in a parabolic dish.
YASER (O.S.)
(filtered)
That?s where we come in. Protecting their interest is where we infiltrate. If the military can?t scare Max Sanders from his Clean Energy Iniaitive? then getting rid of him is the next logical step.
JAMAL (O.S.)
(filtered)
So we work for the US military?
YASER (O.S.)
(filtered)
Never. That?s what the second bomb is for. Us. The PRO. They didn?t know when they shook hands with Shafik. They made a deal with the devil.
“When the plan to attack the Israeli-Palestinian peace summit is discoverd, a retired jewish CIA agent must stop the fanatical suicide-bomber ? his own daughter”.
Is the movie already written? Because I would suggest to let the Agent retired while he investigates the case privately, in the (false?) hope to save the summit AND his daughter.
I imagine a friend of the retired agent who come to him to ask for his advice, but he understands that maybe his own daughter is involved and go in the summit’s city to investigate. So CIA would be a kind of antagonists to him as well as the terrorists – I see a lot of potential conflict!
Jerel Daon Almost finished the screenplay “Estranged Mission” that was written with the following – on logline.it – revised(and created) logline in mind:
‘When a highly-decorated former Jewish assassin learns of a planned terrorist attack on the upcoming Israeli-Palestinian peace summit, he must go on one last mission to stop the fanatical suicide-bomber ? his own daughter.” — One Last Mission
Jerel Damon proposed the following logline describing the our story:
“An CIA agent pulled out of retirement is tasked with [Stakes: capturing a terrorist in Palestine] which is his [antag: estranged daughter]. Will he follow his heart or serve his country?”
My thoughts:
(1) With only the words Israeli-Palestinian peace summit? you completely describe super high stakes, You don?t have to fixate on one important person to kill; meaning you can use less words in your logline. Not using a location for the terrorist attack does not give you the chance to describe clear stakes. Using only Miss World contest? could be not enough nowadays. Blowing up people happens every day. If you really want impact then there must be a good answer to the question [why?] ; what does it really bring the terrorists blowing up a beauty contest?. Yes, but they take out this clean energy guy that??? — Isn?t in the logline and takes a paragraph to describe why killing him would be a great loss to ? Yes whom, not the US military and the terrorist, who both want him dead for their own reasons. And I don’t want to use the words “loss for humanity”
(2) Will he follow his heart or serve his country?? An interesting question; one I really want to be answered by watching the movie. “A CIA agent pulled out of retirement is tasked with capturing a terrorist in Palestine which is his estranged daughter? lets me ask the following heart? versus serve country? question myself. Nine extra words.
(3) In Palestine? He was to be killed in the USA at the beauty pageant.
That?s why…
“When a highly-decorated former CIA agent learns of a planned terrorist attack on the upcoming Miss World contest, he must go on one last mission to stop the fanatical suicide-bomber ? his own daughter.”
?is Ok, but still not good enough.
Any suggestion for a better logline you guys?