A Place To Be
A cleptomaniac rich boy wanted for almost killing a clerk in a theft crosses life with a homeless writer when he steals and loses the novel he had finally finished.
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This logline is a little confusing, I had to read a couple times.
1) The main problem: You haven’t told us what the lead character wants. What’s his goal? To overcome his kleptomania? To find the homeless man and return the novel? To evade jail time? To prove his innocence?
2) What does “crosses life” mean? does it mean he “comes across” a homeless writer and steal his book –or– does it mean he “switches lives” with a homeless writer?
3) “Wanted for almost killing” should be changed to “Wanted for attempted murder”
4) Who “finally finished” the novel? The homeless writer or the thief? It isn’t clear as written.
I would try a second draft of this logine. Ask what’s the main conflict of the story, what the main character wants and who or what is standing in the way.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
It doesnt seem to matter that the kleptomaniac boy was rich, at least not in the logline. Try taking it out and reducing it to the bare bones. Instead of a kleptomaniac rich boy why not just say kleptomaniac. And instead of crosses life with, try crosses paths with (crosses life with makes it sound like they shift bodies or something). Also, lets pull the two sentences together by clarifying the antecedents. So thus we have:
‘A kleptomaniac, wanted for almost killing a clerk in a theft, crosses paths with a homeless writer after he steals his novel.’
Leave out the fact that he loses the novel later, because you dont want to give away too much in the log line 🙂