Posted: 2013-04-24T00:10:46+10:00 In:

A courageous teenager vehemently exposes her extremist step father in order to pursue an education with the help of a contemporary female saint and together they overthrow the radical mosque.

Lips that Cry

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    5 Reviews

    1. Hey Alex, Yes I am. I have witnessed a lot from Birmingham too as it happens! I will definitely look into REEL or TALENTVILLE, thanks for the tip and good luck!

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    2. Penpusher

      Nadia
      Good luck with an ambitious script! Try getting some feedback from peers on sites such as WRITE TO REEL or TALENTVILLE.
      Are you from London? I’m a Brummy…
      Cheers,
      Alex M

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    3. Hi Richiev,

      Thank you so much for you reply and for your help. How about…

      Lips That Cry

      A courageous young girl exposes her extremist step father in order to pursue an education with the help of a contemporary female saint

      ——–

      It does sound better I agree! The story follows a young girl who although living in modern day London is very much controlled (inspired by the unfortunate tragedy of Shafelia Ahmed) and how she fights back the oppression. This is still very common in England amongst certain communities, not just far off in Pakistan/Afghanistan etc. I will be creating a one sheet for this and a thirty second trailer to encourage funding and also to help with pitching!

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    4. Singularity

      Hello Nadia, interesting idea.

      In a logline you have a main character (Protagonist) who must must do (This) in order to accomplish their goal. (You also need something or something standing in their way)

      In your logline, you have given us two things they “Must” do. One is expose her father next is to overthrow a radical mosque. As a result the logline is a little too long.

      In order to keep the logline short, I would stick to one of those goals and tell us how accomplishing it relates to her getting an education.

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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    5. Lips That Cry

      A courageous young girl exposes her extremist step father in order to pursue an education with the help of a contemporary female saint and together they set out to overthrow the radical institution.

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