Prism: Spirit of the Northwest
A directionless raft guide enlists his professional athlete friends to help him find a mysterious woman in the forest who called upon him to save her, then disappeared.
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Try to raise the stakes a bit. So they set out to find her, perhaps in difficult terrain, but can you add some other obstacle that gets us to the gist of what this story’s really about.
As Lee Brooks said. What are the stakes? What does the guy and gal stand to gain if he succeeds? What is lost if he fails?
And whatever the protagonist’s character flaw or weakness, it should directly relate to the objective goal; that is, it should be a flaw or personal problem that raises complications, doubt, suspense as to the protagonist’s ability to achieve his goal. I don’t see how being “directionless” creates any particular complication or doubt as to his ability to find/rescue the girl.
Agreed with the above stakes, obstacle and plot are vague and appear loosely connected.
I get the “…directionless…” description as an ironic obstacle for a guide to have. Similar to the Monty Python sketch about a 100 meter dash for people with no sense of direction, all be it a comedy, after the gun shot they all take off in all directions but forward.
However there is a logic flaw as most raft guides simply follow the direction of flow in the river with no need for much navigational skills, I may be wrong though not sure how that works exactly.
Regardless as DPG pointed out there is no observable character flaw for the MC to overcome in their journey.
Lastly the logline reads as if it is suppose to be a super natural thriller set in nature but comes across as confusing instead. If the mysterious woman is a spirit or monster then maybe better to define her as such.
Hope this helps.
I think the word “mysterious” should be banned from loglines. When this word appears, you know for sure that there is something to be clarified.
I feel like your logline might read a bit better if you reverse the order things are told in. For example when a distressed woman disappears into the forest a directionless raft guide must enlist his athlete friends to find her.
At the moment it reads a bit like the movie starts after he has already seen her and enlisting the friends is the inciting incident.
Good point raised by David.
Inciting incident should precede the action.