Break
A divorced, middle-aged man is unexpectedly given full custody of his two teenage kids after his ex-wife dies in a freak accident. In exchange for his kids' cooperation, he has to participate in their school's breakdance recital.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Hi,
The idea has legs I just think the logline needs work. The fact that he needs to win his kids cooperation suggests they don’t respect him – why? Answering this will help provide your characters flaw. Next it’d be great to make the line more concise. For example:
Two teenagers force their absent father to participate in a high school break dance competition to prove his worth after he takes custody of them following their mothers untimely death
This isn’t great but gives you an idea.
The breakdancing idea certainly stands out, and dance and “comedy dad” movies are popular.
My impressions are that the story gets off to too-grim start. The mother dies and the father “unexpectedly” gets custody. That implies that there was a good reason why he get custody, if custody after the mother’s death is shock.
The reasons for his entering a breakdancing competition need to be stronger: he wants his kids’ cooperation is a reason, but you haven’t said what he wants their cooperation to do. Rob a bank? Launder money? Convince his girlfriend to marry him?
Genres are also very mixed: the story begins with a mother being killed (tragic drama), and a middle-aged man breakdancing to impress his kids (comedy).