Posted: 2015-06-26T06:14:56+10:00 In:

A downtrodden scientist learns hard lessons from the unintended consequences of time travel as he attempts to improve his present fortunes…but at what cost?

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    10 Reviews

    1. Apparently, many in the industry think questions in loglines are outdated and lame. Also, a story about learning hard lessons seems a bit clich?d, passive and vague to me. Instead, describe what it is he has to learn while trying to actively achieve something.

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    2. Singularity

      “After traveling time to give himself ten years of lotto numbers, a downtrodden scientist returns to the present to discover he’s changed his world for the worse and must discover a way to undo his grievous error.”

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    3. Singularity

      Does the protagonist travel forward or backward in time?

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    4. Penpusher

      I think it’s essential to bring up unintended consequences, but I feel like you shouldn’t mention what the protagonist learns. Also, I’ve never been a fan of questions in loglines. Plus, “at what cost” is redundant with mentioning “unintended consequences”.

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    5. Singularity

      Back To The Future 2 in other words.

      How will this differ from such a classic?

      As Lee suggested this lacks the plot specifics that could make it different from previous stories with similar subject matter and add interest.

      Secondly I personally find “?downtrodden?” a commonly used description for characters that aren’t fleshed out enough as it generically implies that the character is not doing great in his or her life.

      Secondly “?downtrodden?” doesn’t elaborate on a flaw that the character needs to overcome, it is just the situation he or she are in at that point in time (no pun intended?).
      What inner journey will the MC go on in this story?

      Hope this helps.

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    6. Mentor

      I think this logline is too vague, I have no idea of what I will see in the movie (future, past, both, what happens, what are the consequences)

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    7. Mentor

      In fact, the more I read it, the more I think it’s more an idea than a logline – an idea to write a logline about the consequences of time travel. I love time travel movies, You should focus about the story and write your logline.

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    8. Thanks Lee, I appreciate the feedback. I wasn’t sure about the question at the end, that will probably come out. You’re right about it being vague, I’m thinking on how to fix it so it matches the story better

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    9. Good points everyone, thank you for your feedback! I’ll be addressing everything in the next version. Thanks!

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    10. Good points all. I definitely took some inspiration from BTF 2 for the story, but the logline isn’t much to explain it. Back to the drawing board.

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