A FEMALE ON THE MALES’ PLANET
A FEMALE ALIEN LANDS ON THE PANET IN THE SPACE WHERE ONLY MALES LIVE. THE MALES GET SCARED FROM THE FEMALE BECAUSE THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY. THE FEMALE TRIES TO SOLVE THE HISTORICAL PROBLEM OF THE MALES'S PLANET, SHE WANTS FEMALES BACK THERE.
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Interesting idea! These men must have the whole reproduction thing sorted. If it’s a comedy, there’s lots of potential for fun and games. Throw a woman onto a planet of men and all hell breaks loose. Is she some sort of glamorous Amazonian feminist?
WHY IS THE WHOLE LOGLINE IN CAPS?
This logline uses too many words to describe a vague situation that lacks a plot.
By using a definite article “the” with planet, it is implied the reader should know which plant this is, in such cases usually it is Earth. Since the logline mentions aliens it indicates that it isn’t on Earth and therefore begs the question; Which planet is this referring to?
Who is the main character?
What does the MC want?
Is the landing on the planet the inciting incident? If so it was of her own doing and therefore makes for a week inciting incident however if she were to crash instead this would make for a more significant event out of her control that forces her to take action to fix her situation and therefore a better inciting incident.
Lastly best to avoid vague descriptions such as “…TRIES TO SOLVE THE HISTORICAL PROBLEM?”.
Hope this helps.
Hello, I think you have a good idea but you need to structure it before you can call it a logline.
Don’t hesitate to google afew logline writing guides.
Remember that confusion doens’t build curiosity. I think you’re not really talking about aliens, and it’s not really important at this stage to understand if the planet is the earth or not. If the goal of the main character is to have womans back on the planet, you have to tell us why, what are the stakes, what if she fails? I’m not sure if you can build a plot with this goal. Maybe solving the mistery of the planet would be a byproduct of her real goal.
You can start with something like:
“when a feminist space traveler crashes on a planet where there’s only males, she must ________ before ________”.
In writing, using all capital letters implies the writer is “YELLING”, so it would be less distracting if you sentence case them. I agree with the former posts, what you’ve stated is not a logline. It needs to be trimmed, brought to concise level structure wise. Attempt at constructing a plot. Define a special characteristic of this alien female, we know her goal, but what antagonistic source opposes her new-found quest. I’ve been spending time reading logline tips and examples. Reading them helps a lot in creating and formatting a shorter and precise one. I suggest you read several, get the idea and get cracking at a new, improved one. Hope this helps!