A female bounty hunter holds an innocent man hostage to trap his future-self: a fugitive killer from 20 years in the future, desperate to merge identities with his younger self to stay alive.
kbfilmworksSamurai
A female bounty hunter holds an innocent man hostage to trap his future-self: a fugitive killer from 20 years in the future, desperate to merge identities with his younger self to stay alive.
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kbfilmworks:
You’re logline pitches a plot for what might become a new, hybrid genre, “chrono-kink”, a mash up time travel and doppelganger tropes. ? Both tropes separately require some logical sleight of hand for the audience to suspend disbelief and buy into the situation. ?Ditto+ when they are combined.
First of all, who is the main character, the gal or the guy(s)? The logline pitches the setup from her pov — she’s hold him, not he’s being held by her. ?But, imho, he and his dirty double are more interesting. ?As characters and as regarding their character arcs. ?So who owns the story?
And if his future-self doesn’t merge with his present-self, does the present-self also perish? ?(Since the future self is evil, what great loss ?would it be if he doesn’t merge and perishes? IOW: ?what are the ultimate stakes?)
And how does she know about his future self, anyway? ?Doesn’t that require her to have a future self? ?(If he can have a doppelganger, then mus it not to be rule of this world that it’s possible for others to have future-selves?)
And if his future self is the negative (aka: ?Jungian “Shadow”) of his present self, then would it not be the same for her? ?And if not, why for him, not for her?
In sum, what I am curious to know is how well you’ve thought through your chrono-kinky world ?to make the audience suspend disbelief ?so as to emotionally invest in the characters? ?(And which one do you want them to invest in, to root for?)
What’s the underlying theme you wish to explore? ?What is the idea that ?unifies, holds the story together?
Who is the lead character?
dpg
Thanks for your incisive comments and questions.
They remind me of the story about the producer who reads the first 10 pages of a script ans turns to the writer and says: ?I need to know more about your main character? and the writer says ?Exactly. ?Just keep reading?.
To address one question you and RichieV raise: It?s definitely the bounty hunter?s story. Her inner struggle is to resist ? under immense pressure ? the urge to kill the innocent man in order to take down the the villain and collect the bounty.
The doppelgangers do have a complete relationship/character arc. It?s the emotional storyline; it?s designed for audiences to identify with the doppelgangers.
Because the logline attempts to address the main action line of the screenplay it only hints at the depth and breadth of the actual script.
So, for example, here are some crucial story elements that can?t appear in the logline: both villain and bounty hunter possess super-powers that don?t require any CGI ? that?s a selling point, if loglines are selling tools. So, one person?s gift controls time and the other person?s gift controls space ? a nod to Einstein?s theory of Relativity.
The story is set mainly in one location but at 3 different time periods separated by 20 years ? this alone is worthy of the logline because it?s a fresh variation on the single location story ? a huge selling point.
Plus, because it?s set in one location the character relationships do get pretty intense and the story is not bloated with irrelevancies. Also, the story is a genre mashup: it has western, sci-fi, crime and action tropes all over it. So, writing a logline or a synopsis for this kind of story is a major challenge.
kbfilmworks:
I commend you for thinking out the details of your premise before presenting it in the form of a logline.
However, it seems to me that your story line is ?complicated, has a lot of moving parts. ? More power to you if can set it all up in the 1st Act, explain the rules that operate in this fictional world, with minimal exposition.
Have you thought about dividing it up into smaller story chunks? ?IOW: ?what about making it into a series or franchise? ?Start with a plot (and logline) for the origin story?
dpg
Yes, it could work as a franchise or as a series. I just think low-budget genre films need beefier stories and switches in tone/genre mashups help provide that in order to compete with the sheer amount of programming on offer today. So, presenting story elements in isolation from the whole naturally seem complicated because they lack the context of story. Imagine if we were discussing ‘Pulp Fiction’ in terms of story elements or how there’s no logline that could come remotely close to serving that movie.
dog
Also, I’m thinking I need a radical logline that creates immediate intrigue even if I have to chuck out the rules.
Okay, but you’re not writing a “Pulp Fiction” that has its basis in familiar reality, doesn’t require long and convoluted explanations to set up the world and the characters.
You’re writing about a world totally unfamiliar to the audience ?with a whole set of rules that has to be explained.
And reading your synopsis brought George Lucas to mind. ?How he originally tried to cram so much of the vast “Star Wars” universe. characters and story line into one film, finally realized he couldn’t and shouldn’t.
Also, all other factors being equal, ?a movie with franchise potential (or intention) is easier to sell than a one-off. ? I can see the bounty hunter being a continuity character hunting down bad guys and gals through several films. ?(And — bonus! — a female protagonist. ?Nowhere near enough of those.)
And a successful low-budget origin film (or one in media res, like the original “Star Wars”) can attract the money for a more expansive canvas in sequels and prequels.
I think you’re underestimating the potential long term potential and value of your idea.?
>>>I need a radical logline that creates immediate intrigue even if I have to chuck out the rules
IOW: ?one with a High Concept hook.
dpg
I’ve posted a more high concept logline. I’ve decided to emphasize action ?rather than sci-fi in the logline. Most people need to think a bit to grasp a sci-fi logline but an action logline hits home immediately. Basically, you can’t underestimate the intelligence of the mid-to-lower ranks of the industry – the gatekeepers.
I think that creating intrigue is the best way to generate interest in a logline. The one-page synopsis expands on the logline but must also introduce fresh and intriguing story elements to lure people into reading the screenplay. It’s basically a seduction.
I don’t think I’m underestimating the potential of the project. ?All movie industries are ruled by fear of failure. ? In Hollywood and the UK- a satellite industry – they’ve convinced themselves that sequels, comic books and graphic novels are a safe ?bet but after the woeful summer box office returns the doors might crack open for original low to mid-budget projects. With this in mind, I’m now preparing to seriously pitch this project.