The Conformist Agenda
ChristopherPenpusher
A female college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers, who need her body to host their ancient founder for world domination.
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Maybe start with a threat to the student and that way set up her stakes before elaborating on her action. As it is now the order seams reversed.
Maybe start with a threat to the student and that way set up her stakes before elaborating on her action. As it is now the order seams reversed.
A college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers who need her body to host their ancient founder.
As the logline is written, while there is a casual connection between the father’s death and the the girl’s grief, there is no apparent casual connection between the father’s death that explains why the secret fraternity selects her body to be the host. If there is one, it needs to be clarified. If not, then while it may be a story element, it is extraneous to the logline.
A college student must defeat a secret fraternity of bodysnatchers who need her body to host their ancient founder.
As the logline is written, while there is a casual connection between the father’s death and the the girl’s grief, there is no apparent casual connection between the father’s death that explains why the secret fraternity selects her body to be the host. If there is one, it needs to be clarified. If not, then while it may be a story element, it is extraneous to the logline.
The inciting incident seems disconnected with the story of the fraternity. You don’t have to drop the fathers death from the script but you should drop it from the logline since it doesn’t relate to the second part of the logline.
Second. Women usually join Sororities and men join fraternities. Is there a reason she is joining a fraternity?
Hope that helped, good luck with this
The inciting incident seems disconnected with the story of the fraternity. You don’t have to drop the fathers death from the script but you should drop it from the logline since it doesn’t relate to the second part of the logline.
Second. Women usually join Sororities and men join fraternities. Is there a reason she is joining a fraternity?
Hope that helped, good luck with this