Posted: 2013-10-08T23:57:29+10:00 In:

A girl is pulled over by the police officer who raped her mother 5 years ago. Out of sheer panic she tries to escape.

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    6 Reviews

    1. Agreed with Richiev – you’ve presented a scene. Without knowing much about your intended storyline:

      “Amanda, a small town teenager, fights for her life when she crosses paths with her mother’s rapist who hides behind the badge.”

      Best to identify protagonist by name, present the tension, reveal the antagonist, and perhaps add the time/location, if important, and an extra layer of tension created by a deadline (the ticking time bomb).

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    2. Thanks a lot, your comments are verry helpful.
      This is indead the first scene. I will work on getting the entire story in the logline.

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    3. Sounds like a great set up for a revenge film to me! Maybe work on getting something like that in the logline?

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    4. Samurai

      Agreed with the above – this offers great drama and conflict for a single scene, perhaps even the catalyst for your story, but once your protagonist escapes, what is her objective goal?

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    5. Singularity

      You have described a scene, but a logline should give us a glimpse of the entire story (Except how it ends)

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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    6. The logline should be one sentence, not two, and I think this premise could certainly be simplified to one sentence.

      Now on the content. Change girl to a woman or lady or something because a girl sounds like someone who should be driving a car.

      You don’t necessarily need to specify the number of years ago unless it’s rather important to the story that it’s 5, not 6 or 4, years ago.

      Also this logline doesn’t seem like it would belie a whole film. Just a scene. What is the conflict that drives the film? Fear that he might do it to her? Fear that she might retaliate against him? Something else? Try touching on the underlying conflict instead of one specific scene.

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