Logliner
Posted: 2016-02-29T08:01:42+10:00 In:

ANALYZE FISH-A greedy shrink Dolphin tries to let a depressed Shark crime boss commit suicide and blame a rival crime family.

ANALYZE FISH-A greedy shrink Dolphin tries to let a depressed Shark crime boss commit suicide and blame a rival crime family.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      Thanks to all!!

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    2. Mentor

      Hello, I kind of remember some old versions of this concept. I like the dolphin being a mean shrink (against popular belief that dolphin are docile), and the shark being a feeble old mafia boss. I don’t think the fact that the dolphin want to blame a rival boss is interesting in the economy of the logline (it’s part of his plan but doesn’t add anything really significant here – we don’t need someone to blame for a suicide). It would be more interesting to explain clearly what motivates the dolphin (does he want to become the new boss, demistifying the belief that dolphins are no leaders? Is the rival mob who push him to act like that (how)? And finally, don’t say “try to let”, maybe try to make… the problem is that the shark is depressed and ready to commit suicide than the dolphin as little to do to accomplish his goal. Maybe the comedy can emerge if despite the fact that the shark is depressed and ready to commit suicide, all attempts to push him fail. This mob fishes world can be funny and original, as a logline I feel like more work is needed.

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    3. Singularity

      As Nir Shelter said.? What’s in it for the shrink that he would allow the suicide?

      I like Richiev’s take; however, I suggest making the dolphin a she so what complicates her life is not friendship but love.? And to further complicate her life, ?it’s more than a case of offered a million clam –?she’s accepted the offer.

      After accepting a million clams to manipulate a depressed loan shark into committing suicide, a greedy female dolphin shrink falls in love with her patient.? Now she must choose between love and loot.
      (33 words)

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    4. Singularity

      You haven’t given us a motivation. Nir’s ?logine attempt helps us understand how the greedy Dolphin would financially benefit by convincing his patient to commit suicide.

      How about this:

      —–
      A greedy dolphin shrink begins to have second thoughts when after he’s offered a million clams to manipulate a depressed loan shark into committing suicide, he begins developing a friendship with his patient.”

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    5. Singularity

      The wording is confusing – if he tries to let the shark do something he can just allow him to do it, no need to try and let him.

      Secondly what does he stand to gain from the patients suicide?

      And why make it about marine animals and not people on land? I believe the concept can work as a live action comedy about a human psychiatrist and human patient.

      Perhaps better to change it to:
      After a greedy psychiatrist is offered millions of dollars by a mobster he must encourage his patient a depressed rival crime boss to commit suicide.

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