Penpusher
Posted: 2018-10-27T08:12:42+10:00 In:

A group of sister have a lengthy conversation trying to fill in the social, cultural and physiological blanks about a long extinct species: Humans.

A group of sister have a lengthy conversation trying to fill in the social, cultural and physiological blanks about a long extinct species: Humans.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The logline lacks a plot.

      And if the sisters aren’t human? then what are they?

      • 0
    2. Logliner

      Sounds like a short movie, or a theater piece… Use the plural in sisters… How many sisters?
      Is this a post-human species or just a group of aliens? Are they organic beings?
      What is their interest in humans? Are they scientists or is this just a casual conversation?
      What kind of society are we talking about?
      Do they have contrasting opinions about humans? You need conflict…
      If it is a comedy you should present something that indicates the genre in your logline.

      • 0
    3. Logliner

      A group of sisters have a lengthy conversations as they attempt to learn the social, cultural and physiological processes of a mostly unknown and extinct species: Human.

      Here’s my take, but I’m a newbie…

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      Where is the conflict?

      Who is the lead character?
      What is their goal?
      What is standing in their way?

      • 0
    5. Uberwriter

      It?s good to have intrigue but not confusion. If they are not human they are?

      Plus a conversation isn?t much of a story. What happens during the conversation? This is conversation fully of subtext about their relationship?

      I don?t see enough here to know what your story truly is and what it is about.

      This next sentence may seems a bit hard.

      But your logline should show us how clever your story is, not how clever you are. Your logline is a witty little sentence with a sting in the tale. Shows you can write, but I am blind to the real story.

      • 0