Penpusher
Posted: 2015-06-15T09:05:45+10:00 In:

A kid named Jack who comes from a devout mormon family who all wear the infamous Magic Underwear starts going to kindergarten and starts getting bullied and after that he starts questioning his faith.

Magic Underwear

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    2 Reviews

    1. Mentor

      I recommend to write some logline guides, this is the one I prefere: http://www.raindance.org/10-tips-for-writing-loglines/ but you have one right on this site https://loglines.org/howto/

      You’ll understand why you can avoid character’s names.

      Anyway, I have no Idea of what a magic underwear is so I recommend to include more details in the logline. Then focus about the main character, his goal, his enemies.

      Good luck!

      • 0
    2. Penpusher

      The story feels ambiguous to me as mention of the magic underwear suggests a bit of surrealism injected into an otherwise real story and I’m not clear if that is your intention or not. Therefore, I don’t get a sense of what the story will achieve.

      When bullied at school for his Mormon faith, a young boy questions his faith by rebelling only to learn his magic underwear really is magic and gives him super powers that help him deal with the bullies.

      A point of contention: I wonder if a 6-year-old would have the intelligence and awareness to question his faith. Perhaps your hero could be older?

      • 0