Posted: 2014-01-20T05:46:01+10:00 In:

A man is tormented by inner demons after the grusome murder of his belovaed sister on Christmas Eve, in a new, dark story that will draw instant comparisons to a timeless Christmas classic.

Ebenezer The Untold Story

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    3 Reviews

    1. Check your spelling and grammar.

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    2. Singularity

      Tormented by inner demons seems more like a set up or a situation than a story.

      What does the character have to ‘do’ in your story. What’s the characters goal?

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    3. Samurai

      What Richiev says – I get you’re going for a Christmas Carol reworking but Scrooge is a pretty passive character in the original story. I don’t know how engaged I’d be to drag my ass all the way to the cinema to watch this.

      Is “man” the absolute BEST way you could find to describe your protagonist? Nothing else defines him but his gender? How about heartless aristocrat? Greedy socialite? Tyrannical loan-shark?

      Also, your wording: “after the gruesome murder of his beloved (drop this word) sister” is very vague. The story changes dramatically if you indicate that “after he murders his sister” or “after his sister is murdered”. So get specific.

      Drop the sales pitch at the end “will draw instant comparisons etc.” Let the quality of the story speak for itself.

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