Rewired
A man who blacks out for seven hours each night has feared the day when his two lives collide, and when they do, the lives of millions hang in the balance.
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I think Richiev nails it in so far as the setup is “there is a man who lives two different lives” – great. Just tell us what those two lives are in the logline,
Then what? How do they collide? What does he then do?
This is EXACTLY what I thought when I first read it.
Haha. Thanks DPG 🙂
“Hey guys I’ve got a great idea for a story… ready… it’s about this guy… and each night… he sleeps.”
Kind of needs some work I agree 🙂
…Yep – that’s exactly how it reads (dpg). Does he go to sleep, slip into unconsciousness, then another side of his personality wakes up, goes out and does things that jeopardize the lives of millions of people? A bit confusing. I think you would need to be very specific as to what actually occurs for this to make sense. Without giving us the REASON why millions of lives hang in the balance it reads a bit like a tagline as opposed to a logline.
What’s the difference between “blacks out for seven hours each night ” and sleep?
Hello Jeremy, interesting idea but there is a little problem with the logline
Your wrote the line: “has feared the day when his two lives collide”
The problem with that line is you haven’t told us what his two lives are. For instance if you said “A banker who’s secretly a spy fears the day his two lives collide…” it would make sense because we would know what his two lives are.
Second, fear is not really an action. You want your hero to be proactive. For instance, using my example above the logline might say, “A banker who is secretly a spy “fights” to keep his two lives from colliding…”
As a result, I would change the word “Feared” in your logline to something more proactive. Give your protagonist something he must do.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!