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jamiebackler
Posted: February 13, 20152015-02-13T22:41:05+10:00 2015-02-13T22:41:05+10:00In: Public

A mysterious boy is on the run after having his identity discovered. But will he escape from the prospect of the hunters chasing him every second.

the chase

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    12 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2015-02-15T16:06:49+10:00Added an answer on February 15, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      The plot is set into motion when his identity is discovered, you should tell us what that identity is, if it’s such an important plot point.

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    2. Richiev Singularity
      2015-02-15T16:06:49+10:00Added an answer on February 15, 2015 at 4:06 pm

      The plot is set into motion when his identity is discovered, you should tell us what that identity is, if it’s such an important plot point.

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    3. Davron Penpusher
      2015-02-15T15:40:17+10:00Added an answer on February 15, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      This is an interesting idea, needs to be a bit clearer with what is going to happen, also needs something fresh that’ll make it stand out.

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    4. Davron Penpusher
      2015-02-15T15:40:17+10:00Added an answer on February 15, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      This is an interesting idea, needs to be a bit clearer with what is going to happen, also needs something fresh that’ll make it stand out.

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    5. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-02-14T07:49:03+10:00Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 7:49 am

      What DPG said.

      Also the idea of a logline is to part with the perfect amount of information to explain the plot and ideally create intrigue. The intrigue part can come about by keeping certain elements descriptions vague but in this case there is too many too vague descriptions and not enough information provided.
      Therefore the questions above.

      Hope this helps.

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    6. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-02-14T07:49:03+10:00Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 7:49 am

      What DPG said.

      Also the idea of a logline is to part with the perfect amount of information to explain the plot and ideally create intrigue. The intrigue part can come about by keeping certain elements descriptions vague but in this case there is too many too vague descriptions and not enough information provided.
      Therefore the questions above.

      Hope this helps.

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    7. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2015-02-14T06:59:33+10:00Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 6:59 am

      This describes a genre rather than your story. Okay he has a hidden identity and is now on the run. That could be just a small part of a larger story. I prefer reading a logline that makes me think “I wonder how the writer does that”, rather than “I wonder what happens in the story”.

      Remember a logline is meant to get the story idea to the reader. They have 100’s to choose from. They are normally looking for a story to fit a (actor/director/location/budget). So they will not dig further to find out about your story, they’ll just read the next logline trying find a story that meets their needs.

      It is really hard to get 100 pages into about 30 words, but that is the trick.

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    8. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2015-02-14T06:59:33+10:00Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 6:59 am

      This describes a genre rather than your story. Okay he has a hidden identity and is now on the run. That could be just a small part of a larger story. I prefer reading a logline that makes me think “I wonder how the writer does that”, rather than “I wonder what happens in the story”.

      Remember a logline is meant to get the story idea to the reader. They have 100’s to choose from. They are normally looking for a story to fit a (actor/director/location/budget). So they will not dig further to find out about your story, they’ll just read the next logline trying find a story that meets their needs.

      It is really hard to get 100 pages into about 30 words, but that is the trick.

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    9. dpg Singularity
      2015-02-14T06:08:29+10:00Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 6:08 am

      A principal problem I have with the logline is that it hides the game ball. That is, we have no clue as to the factor that drives the players in the plot: his identity. What is there about his identity that makes it so compelling, that others are pursuing him? Why are they investing so much time and energy in chasing him?

      Related to that is the matter of stakes. What does he stand to gain by eluding capture? What does he stand to lose, to suffer if he’s caught? What is at stake in the pursuit that the audience should become emotionally invested, should care about the outcome?

      Finally the boy’s objective goal, such as it is, is framed in negative terms. So that if he successfully eludes his pursuers, that’s where the film literally runs out of the story. FADEOUT: CREDIT ROLL:

      Or is he eluding escape in order to be able to do something else, to achieve some positive objective? If so, what is it? Why MUST he escape capture?

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    10. dpg Singularity
      2015-02-14T06:08:29+10:00Added an answer on February 14, 2015 at 6:08 am

      A principal problem I have with the logline is that it hides the game ball. That is, we have no clue as to the factor that drives the players in the plot: his identity. What is there about his identity that makes it so compelling, that others are pursuing him? Why are they investing so much time and energy in chasing him?

      Related to that is the matter of stakes. What does he stand to gain by eluding capture? What does he stand to lose, to suffer if he’s caught? What is at stake in the pursuit that the audience should become emotionally invested, should care about the outcome?

      Finally the boy’s objective goal, such as it is, is framed in negative terms. So that if he successfully eludes his pursuers, that’s where the film literally runs out of the story. FADEOUT: CREDIT ROLL:

      Or is he eluding escape in order to be able to do something else, to achieve some positive objective? If so, what is it? Why MUST he escape capture?

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    11. Lucius Paisley Logliner
      2015-02-13T22:49:29+10:00Added an answer on February 13, 2015 at 10:49 pm

      It’s probably best not to ask the question of how will he escape in the logline, but rather to answer the question of how he will escape.

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    12. Lucius Paisley Logliner
      2015-02-13T22:49:29+10:00Added an answer on February 13, 2015 at 10:49 pm

      It’s probably best not to ask the question of how will he escape in the logline, but rather to answer the question of how he will escape.

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