Penpusher
Posted: 2012-12-03T09:26:01+10:00 In:

A naive young intelligence analyst is sent undercover in a group of rogue CIA agents – but as he falls for the glamor of their high-octane lifestyle, he starts to question who the real bad guys are…

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    5 Reviews

    1. Sounds interesting, but i will like to question why a naive intelligence officer would be sent on such a technical errand. If an experienced officer is assigned, then it would be more surprising that he got carried away or got confused in his assignment. i suggest you put the unexpected in the logline, something that is a contrast to what should actually happen and all together, you will get the reader more interested in finding out how that could have happened. I can’t wait to go through your project. It appears like it’s going to be great fun.

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    2. Penpusher

      Hmmm, that’s an interesting approach. It’s supposed to be a brief, simple assignment that spirals out of control – and the chance he longs for to move from a desk to the field – which would suggest a less senior officer, but… I’ll give that some thought.

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    3. Hi debbiemoon, I have to agree slightly with TX in that seems a little odd that an inexperienced agent would be sent in undercover with a set of rogue agents as these guys would be the CIA’s worst nightmare as they have all the CIA’s training and they are the enemy so it would be hard to defeat them. A way you could play it is like The Departed in that they send DiCaprio in undercover because no one would know him as he is new?! I think how it plays should be in the log line.

      I think the log line works but a small quibble would be to try lose some of the words. Young and naive imply the same personality traits so I’d only use one or even ‘inexperienced’, and maybe reword ‘falls for the glamour of their high-octane lifestyle’ as it is a lot of words and doesn’t really say a lot. I think this little bit could be done better. The log line works and gives us the story but needs tightening up.

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    4. Singularity

      This idea has promise but the logline needs a little work. You seem to be connecting two ideas that seem to correlate to one another. How does, falling for a high octane lifestyle make him believe that the CIA are the bad guys?

      I could see, if the organization he infiltrated gave him information about his CIA boss, it could make him question who the real bad guys are.

      I could see how falling for the high octane lifestyle could make his life spin out of control, (Like in Point Break)

      But I don’t see how falling for a high octane lifestyle could make him question who the real bad guys are?

      That part of the logline is a little fuzzy and could use a little work. But overall I like this premise.

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    5. A naive young intelligence analyst is sent undercover in a group of rogue CIA agents ? but as he falls for the glamor of their high-octane lifestyle, he starts to question who the real bad guys are.

      1) “Naive and young” pretty much imply the same thing in most loglines (and why aren’t they ever “old and wise”?). You might consider something a little less cliche.

      2)I can’t imagine any “undercover op” infiltrating a “group of rogue CIA agents” being a “simple assignment”, as it sounds like life or death to me. Perhpas protag went undercover and no one knew they were rogue group of agents yet? If that’s the case, it’s not clear and needs work.

      3) Don’t end logline with an ellipsis.

      4) As others have said, the main issue is why he questions whom the bad guys are. That’s the rub.

      Geno Scala (sharkeatingman)- judge

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