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Matt Epstein
Posted: June 6, 20152015-06-06T02:58:58+10:00 2015-06-06T02:58:58+10:00In: Public

A remedial math teacher is forced to wonder if he wasted his potential as a screenwriter when his ex-highschool sweetheart, now a hollywood actress visits their hometown.

Waste

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    5 Reviews

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    1. Lucius Paisley Logliner
      2015-06-06T03:03:35+10:00Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 3:03 am

      Yes… then what does he DO about it?

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2015-06-06T03:27:11+10:00Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 3:27 am

      Yep. Same problem as before. So he’s discontented, a frustrated wannabe writer. What does he DO about it? What his action plan, what becomes his objective goal?

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    3. 2015-06-06T06:38:36+10:00Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 6:38 am

      Yeah, I agree. Get rid of ‘is forced to wonder’ and replace it with something active that the reader can visualise. Also, try to state the genre. Is this a comedy or a drama?

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    4. ajapplejacks88
      2015-06-06T07:53:53+10:00Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 7:53 am

      I agree with the comments above. There doesn’t seem to be much of a “story” apparent in this logline. I would suggest that you go back and re-work your plot to include a definitive action and a definitive goal. Then, maybe his renewed interest in his former high school sweetheart could be further explored as the B-Story to the main plot.

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    5. FFF Mentor
      2015-06-06T08:25:16+10:00Added an answer on June 6, 2015 at 8:25 am

      I agree with the previous comments. Wondering about a wasted potential can’t give you a movie, not even one scene. What is the goal of the main character? What kind of opposition to this goal?
      “When a big movie star come back to his old town for a a shooting, her ex high-school sweetheart have one week to prove her he can write the best role for her if he wants to win her love.”

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