Posted: 2013-02-13T06:22:59+10:00 In:

A scientist and her group find a new element on archaeological excavations at an earth like planet making the group obsessed and killing each other but she pulls against her hallucinations and her group in order to get the element aboard the scientific base.

Element Zero

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    5 Reviews

    1. Thanks for the kind works! I will change it as soon as possible. Due to my mathematics studies I have little time to write but anyway, this community is great! Cheers.

      • 0
    2. Logliner

      Could be good for the character to have a trait ? reckless/career-pursuing/enthusiastic scientist .. it will help you to give us a clue about hero’s journey. Also the goal of main character is only to get the element on the base ? probably to be studied ? but how it will outcome ? what’s at stakes? Her career/curiosity/wiping whole planet?

      A career-pursuing archaeologist find a new element causing hallucinations at an earth-like planet which causes everyone obsessed murderers, but she resists and bring it aboard the base only to ? face extinction/death/something …

      • 0

    3. This is a good idea, very high concept. I’ve also noticed that you have revised it since this post too and I like the revision as well. Well done.

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      Although this is very nit-picky I would use the word ‘discover’ instead of ‘find’. A scientist would discover a new element.
      —–
      “When an archaeologist discovers a new element on a distant planet, powerful hallucinations turn her scientific team on one other and now she must discover a cure before the situation devolves to murder.”
      —–
      That is still rough; I am not happy with “turn his scientific team on one another” there has to be a more captivating way of saying it. However…

      By saying archaeologist instead of scientist, it implies that they will be at an archaeology excavation and you can cut it.

      You also don’t need to say “Group” twice. so I would cut the first use of it.

      Hope that helps, Most of the elements are in your logline, it’s simply too long. Good luck!

      • 0

    5. I like this idea a lot but I would love to see it streamlined.

      It seems like the core components are an element that inspires hallucinations which lead people to kill and the protagonist’s goal of getting the element on board the ship. (and presumably living!) That’s already a lot to pack into a logline – I’d strip everything else out.

      Good luck!

      • 0