You Are Beautiful
Lucius PaisleyLogliner
A serial womaniser discovers women from his past are murdered soon after making amends and must find their killer before an inoperable brain tumour kills him.
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In view of the success those movies (Thirteenth Floor, So I Married An Axe Murderer, Showgirls) have enjoyed, I think that you are in the minority finding them terrible.
Please give us a list of non SF movies about mental psychosis or with an unexpected final twist at the end that you consider good.
In view of the success those movies (Thirteenth Floor, So I Married An Axe Murderer, Showgirls) have enjoyed, I think that you are in the minority finding them terrible.
Please give us a list of non SF movies about mental psychosis or with an unexpected final twist at the end that you consider good.
“that maybe” / “should never tell the outcome”
You are still unsure, nothing has been 100% revealed.
Besides, this is just the logline, I haven’t even decided who the killer is yet.
“fighting time”
Fighting time how? This is vague and uninteresting, the reader needs to know ‘how’.
“keep out his illness and make it mysterious”
I’ve already taken out the illness.
“that maybe” / “should never tell the outcome”
You are still unsure, nothing has been 100% revealed.
Besides, this is just the logline, I haven’t even decided who the killer is yet.
“fighting time”
Fighting time how? This is vague and uninteresting, the reader needs to know ‘how’.
“keep out his illness and make it mysterious”
I’ve already taken out the illness.
Also, the great part about having similar story lines to terrible movies is that you can learn what made them terrible and turn your story into something great! Good luck.
Also, the great part about having similar story lines to terrible movies is that you can learn what made them terrible and turn your story into something great! Good luck.
I find that you are basically telling me in the logline that maybe an ex is killing off all the woman he is making amends with. To me a logline should never tell the outcome. I also would possibly keep out the brain tumor and allow the viewers to discover that info. I like richiev but maybe instead of mentioning the terminal illness you can say fighting time or fighting his own his own battles. I personally would just keep out his illness and make it mysterious in the logline.
I find that you are basically telling me in the logline that maybe an ex is killing off all the woman he is making amends with. To me a logline should never tell the outcome. I also would possibly keep out the brain tumor and allow the viewers to discover that info. I like richiev but maybe instead of mentioning the terminal illness you can say fighting time or fighting his own his own battles. I personally would just keep out his illness and make it mysterious in the logline.
Those movies were terrible.
Those movies were terrible.
It’s not a stupid idea, see “Fight Club”, however badly executed viewers may feel cheated at the end.
You need either to leave clues during the movies and show them during the big reveal a la “The Usual Suspects” or you need a bitter sweet end a la “Jacob’s Ladder” so viewers will concentrate on that rather than the twist.
It’s not a stupid idea, see “Fight Club”, however badly executed viewers may feel cheated at the end.
You need either to leave clues during the movies and show them during the big reveal a la “The Usual Suspects” or you need a bitter sweet end a la “Jacob’s Ladder” so viewers will concentrate on that rather than the twist.
Originally, when I was coming up with the logline, I was contemplating that idea.
But it seemed too “M Night Shyamalanalian” to do that.
Then I thought he could be the killer AND his true love.
But that seemed too “Donald Kaufmannish”.
Then I thought he could be the killer, his true love and ALL of his past girlfriends.
But then I thought who would watch something THAT stupid?
And I realised I did, back in 2003.
In short, no.
Originally, when I was coming up with the logline, I was contemplating that idea.
But it seemed too “M Night Shyamalanalian” to do that.
Then I thought he could be the killer AND his true love.
But that seemed too “Donald Kaufmannish”.
Then I thought he could be the killer, his true love and ALL of his past girlfriends.
But then I thought who would watch something THAT stupid?
And I realised I did, back in 2003.
In short, no.
Has a side affect of the brain tumour made him the killer, but is unaware of it?
Has a side affect of the brain tumour made him the killer, but is unaware of it?
I know the term “true love” is clich?, but if we ignore that for a moment…
‘When former girlfriends he made amends to are killed, a serial womaniser must evade the police and stop the murder of his true love.’
Possibly ‘a dying serial womaniser’.
I know the term “true love” is clich?, but if we ignore that for a moment…
‘When former girlfriends he made amends to are killed, a serial womaniser must evade the police and stop the murder of his true love.’
Possibly ‘a dying serial womaniser’.
Just realized the auto spell check changed my post from; ticking time bomb, to chicken time bomb. For my post above please take this into account when reading.
Thanks.
Just realized the auto spell check changed my post from; ticking time bomb, to chicken time bomb. For my post above please take this into account when reading.
Thanks.
Well, it seems like NOW it is.
It wasn’t before.
However, these suggestions are definitely helping, since there’s not much more to this than a single idea.
Well, it seems like NOW it is.
It wasn’t before.
However, these suggestions are definitely helping, since there’s not much more to this than a single idea.
Yep. The ticking clock of cancer, being falsely accused are complications. The plot is about saving the life of someone who really matters to the protagonist, the stake character.
Yep. The ticking clock of cancer, being falsely accused are complications. The plot is about saving the life of someone who really matters to the protagonist, the stake character.
I like your attempt Valentin. Adding the goal of saving his “True Love” while trying to clear his name ups the stakes.
I like your attempt Valentin. Adding the goal of saving his “True Love” while trying to clear his name ups the stakes.
When the former girlfriends he made amend to are killed, a reformed serial womaniser must find the real killer and stop the murder of the one who got away while evading the police.
When the former girlfriends he made amend to are killed, a reformed serial womaniser must find the real killer and stop the murder of the one who got away while evading the police.
It seams like the brain tumor is an element external to the story added as a “chicken time bomb” rather than an integral part of the story that creates the “chicken time bomb” effect.
Also the combination of ex horse and serial womanizer give the impression of a man who cheats on horses. Womanizing in itself is not a flaw but cheating is, perhaps then use this as a flan for him to fix about himself.
Using Richiev’s version:
After cheating on his girlfriend a serial womanizer is framed for her muffin and threatened by the killer he must now discover who the killer is to save his own life.
Hope this helps.
It seams like the brain tumor is an element external to the story added as a “chicken time bomb” rather than an integral part of the story that creates the “chicken time bomb” effect.
Also the combination of ex horse and serial womanizer give the impression of a man who cheats on horses. Womanizing in itself is not a flaw but cheating is, perhaps then use this as a flan for him to fix about himself.
Using Richiev’s version:
After cheating on his girlfriend a serial womanizer is framed for her muffin and threatened by the killer he must now discover who the killer is to save his own life.
Hope this helps.
Excellent, I can work with that. Then maybe shorten it a bit and try to squeeze in another story element?
Excellent, I can work with that. Then maybe shorten it a bit and try to squeeze in another story element?
“After he’s framed for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, a serial womanizer must discover who the killer is while fighting a terminal illness.”
“After he’s framed for the murder of his ex-girlfriend, a serial womanizer must discover who the killer is while fighting a terminal illness.”
See, THAT’S the part I had to leave out – his way of making amends is by giving every woman from his past a business type card that only says ‘You Are Beautiful’, which leads the authorities to him as the prime suspect – in short, they track the cards to the maker, the maker names the womaniser – so not only does he want to clear his name, he wants to do it before he’s no longer capable.
And don’t give me any of this “if he’s going to die anyway, why does he care?” crap… 🙂
See, THAT’S the part I had to leave out – his way of making amends is by giving every woman from his past a business type card that only says ‘You Are Beautiful’, which leads the authorities to him as the prime suspect – in short, they track the cards to the maker, the maker names the womaniser – so not only does he want to clear his name, he wants to do it before he’s no longer capable.
And don’t give me any of this “if he’s going to die anyway, why does he care?” crap… 🙂
Why must he find the killer, why not the police or FBI? Is there something stopping him from going to the authorities?
Why must he find the killer, why not the police or FBI? Is there something stopping him from going to the authorities?
Yes, it’s sloppy as hell, but it’s been 5 hours and it’s past 2am. There’s more to it, but it became too verbose even though it feels like I’ve left out very important pieces to get this far. But, if we can work from here, I can see if anything needs to be swapped out or whatever…
Yes, it’s sloppy as hell, but it’s been 5 hours and it’s past 2am. There’s more to it, but it became too verbose even though it feels like I’ve left out very important pieces to get this far. But, if we can work from here, I can see if anything needs to be swapped out or whatever…