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adominick
Posted: June 19, 20152015-06-19T14:27:17+10:00 2015-06-19T14:27:17+10:00In: Public

A starving gnome terrorizes a Japanese teenager and a bus load of Japanese tourists for their trunk of delicious sushi after their tour bus breaks down in the Canadian wilderness.

Raw gNOMI

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    4 Reviews

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    1. Clint Cure Penpusher
      2015-06-19T14:32:43+10:00Added an answer on June 19, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      Maybe this just needs a bit of a rewrite. ‘When a starving gnome terrorizes a bus load of Japanese tourists, one boy must… blah blah blah.’ or ‘When are starving gnome steal sushi from a group of Japanese tourists ….’?

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    2. Clint Cure Penpusher
      2015-06-19T14:33:34+10:00Added an answer on June 19, 2015 at 2:33 pm

      Sorry ‘When a starving gnome steals…’

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    3. Karel Segers Logliner
      2015-06-19T15:53:17+10:00Added an answer on June 19, 2015 at 3:53 pm

      Hi Ana,

      Well done for presenting your story idea in a workable logline!

      I agree with Clint. Keep it in the sequential order of the story. This makes it so much easier to read.

      Am I right in assuming this is a short film? It sounds like a fun idea, but not something you can extend into a feature concept easily…

      And what is the genre? Horror? Comedy? Both?

      Always ask “What would the audience do?” If I’m confronted with a starving/annoying/dangerous/killing gnome who’s after my sushi… I think I’d hand it over.

      You can also give the teenager a little more depth. What makes him/her special? Why should this story happen to him/her? You can do this by just adding one or two adjectives: gullible, obese, orphaned, …

      BTW – I find this logline more compelling than the one you submitted to the LVSC!

      I hope all this helps.

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    4. FFF Mentor
      2015-06-19T18:01:40+10:00Added an answer on June 19, 2015 at 6:01 pm

      You can describe your main character with one adjective.

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