Raw gNOMI
A starving gnome terrorizes a Japanese teenager and a bus load of Japanese tourists for their trunk of delicious sushi after their tour bus breaks down in the Canadian wilderness.
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Maybe this just needs a bit of a rewrite. ‘When a starving gnome terrorizes a bus load of Japanese tourists, one boy must… blah blah blah.’ or ‘When are starving gnome steal sushi from a group of Japanese tourists ….’?
Sorry ‘When a starving gnome steals…’
Hi Ana,
Well done for presenting your story idea in a workable logline!
I agree with Clint. Keep it in the sequential order of the story. This makes it so much easier to read.
Am I right in assuming this is a short film? It sounds like a fun idea, but not something you can extend into a feature concept easily…
And what is the genre? Horror? Comedy? Both?
Always ask “What would the audience do?” If I’m confronted with a starving/annoying/dangerous/killing gnome who’s after my sushi… I think I’d hand it over.
You can also give the teenager a little more depth. What makes him/her special? Why should this story happen to him/her? You can do this by just adding one or two adjectives: gullible, obese, orphaned, …
BTW – I find this logline more compelling than the one you submitted to the LVSC!
I hope all this helps.
You can describe your main character with one adjective.