Demonized
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It’s unclear how the two events – finding the book and incurring the wrath – relate to each other. It’s not explicitly stated that the homeschooled girl SUMMONS the demon with the help of the book, nor how that actually effects the teacher. You should make that link.
ALSO … what is at stake for this character? And once they have incurred the wrath of the teacher (what does that look like?) What is the compelling action that the protagonist takes?
It’s unclear how the two events – finding the book and incurring the wrath – relate to each other. It’s not explicitly stated that the homeschooled girl SUMMONS the demon with the help of the book, nor how that actually effects the teacher. You should make that link.
ALSO … what is at stake for this character? And once they have incurred the wrath of the teacher (what does that look like?) What is the compelling action that the protagonist takes?
Tormented by bullies, a shy young girl uses an ancient incantation to summon a demon to get revenge only to lose control of the power she has unleashed.
It seems to me that the SS teacher accusing her of being the devil incarnate or demon possessed is a complication, but it’s not the critical complication arising from the premise. The critical complication is that exploiting the forces of evil always, always, always has blow back, unintended consequences. The primal essence of daimonic (aka: shadow) forces is that they are uncontrollable, not subject to restraint by either reason or morality. Therefore, the very demiurge she summons to torment her enemies morphs into her chief tormenter and threatens to destroy her. By the principle of ironic dramatic reversal, the means of her (physical) salvation becomes her (spiritual) damnation.
A reversal, a curse she has brought upon herself in the sense that while revenge is a very human motivation, and a great one for dramatic purposes, spiritually/ethically it is always the wrong motivation. The Biblical principle that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword extends to other means of defense and offense than just swords.
That she is homeschooling is unnecessary to the logline, but could be important to the plot in 2 possible aspects: if Nadia has in mind that she is being homeschooled to escape the bullying; that is, her tormentors drove her out of the public school. And/or if Nadia has in mind that she’s being homeschooled because of her parents religious convictions: in the U.S., a majority of homeschooling parents do so to deliver their kids from the secularism of the public school curriculum (like teaching ‘evolition’) and a corrupting social environment (the temptations and peer pressure to indulge in sex, drugs, rap music, twerking, etc.)
fwiw.
Tormented by bullies, a shy young girl uses an ancient incantation to summon a demon to get revenge only to lose control of the power she has unleashed.
It seems to me that the SS teacher accusing her of being the devil incarnate or demon possessed is a complication, but it’s not the critical complication arising from the premise. The critical complication is that exploiting the forces of evil always, always, always has blow back, unintended consequences. The primal essence of daimonic (aka: shadow) forces is that they are uncontrollable, not subject to restraint by either reason or morality. Therefore, the very demiurge she summons to torment her enemies morphs into her chief tormenter and threatens to destroy her. By the principle of ironic dramatic reversal, the means of her (physical) salvation becomes her (spiritual) damnation.
A reversal, a curse she has brought upon herself in the sense that while revenge is a very human motivation, and a great one for dramatic purposes, spiritually/ethically it is always the wrong motivation. The Biblical principle that those who live by the sword shall die by the sword extends to other means of defense and offense than just swords.
That she is homeschooling is unnecessary to the logline, but could be important to the plot in 2 possible aspects: if Nadia has in mind that she is being homeschooled to escape the bullying; that is, her tormentors drove her out of the public school. And/or if Nadia has in mind that she’s being homeschooled because of her parents religious convictions: in the U.S., a majority of homeschooling parents do so to deliver their kids from the secularism of the public school curriculum (like teaching ‘evolition’) and a corrupting social environment (the temptations and peer pressure to indulge in sex, drugs, rap music, twerking, etc.)
fwiw.
1: You haven’t given the lead character a goal. This is causing problems in your logine. (Unless the Sunday school teacher is the lead character who has the goal of stopping the girl)
2: Because you say she is home schooled you don’t need to tell us she is ‘young’ You should give us a better adjective that tells us more about her personality: a feisty home schooled girl; a determined home schooled girl: a repressed home schooled girl… as an example.
3: Because your character doesn’t have a goal, we don’t know what the Sunday school teacher is trying to stop.
—–
“After she discovers a recipe to summon a demon, an introverted home school-er plots to destroy the bullies who’ve tormented her, but must evade an rabid Sunday school teach who believes you must not suffer a witch to live.”
—–
Hope that example helps, yours will be different of course but by adding a goal, “Destroy her bullies” we now understand why a home schooled girl would want to summon a demon.
Good luck!
1: You haven’t given the lead character a goal. This is causing problems in your logine. (Unless the Sunday school teacher is the lead character who has the goal of stopping the girl)
2: Because you say she is home schooled you don’t need to tell us she is ‘young’ You should give us a better adjective that tells us more about her personality: a feisty home schooled girl; a determined home schooled girl: a repressed home schooled girl… as an example.
3: Because your character doesn’t have a goal, we don’t know what the Sunday school teacher is trying to stop.
—–
“After she discovers a recipe to summon a demon, an introverted home school-er plots to destroy the bullies who’ve tormented her, but must evade an rabid Sunday school teach who believes you must not suffer a witch to live.”
—–
Hope that example helps, yours will be different of course but by adding a goal, “Destroy her bullies” we now understand why a home schooled girl would want to summon a demon.
Good luck!
sounds interesting. i think you should look at the last part “incurs the wrath…” not sure what it is but i found myself wondering if she’ incurs this wrath simply by finding it? or does she use the recipe? or does she gain some kind of power?
what i’m unclear about is what dilemma does discovering this recipe bring her.
sounds interesting. i think you should look at the last part “incurs the wrath…” not sure what it is but i found myself wondering if she’ incurs this wrath simply by finding it? or does she use the recipe? or does she gain some kind of power?
what i’m unclear about is what dilemma does discovering this recipe bring her.