A Shot At Faith
carllordLogliner
Abducted as a small child, a college athlete's sadistic mother threatens his championship hopes when he sets out to find his long-lost dad.
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carllord:
Why do you want the mother to be sadistic when making her the most nurturing, ,most supportive mother a kid could have… and then he discovers… would force greater emotional conflict and dilemmas upon the protagonist? What’s your game plan for this plot?
carllord:
Why do you want the mother to be sadistic when making her the most nurturing, ,most supportive mother a kid could have… and then he discovers… would force greater emotional conflict and dilemmas upon the protagonist? What’s your game plan for this plot?
Once again, I have to say it seems to me that the logline dodges the most obvious and more important issues raised by the kid’s discovery. That the Big Discovery distracts from his game seems to me to be the VERY LEAST of his problems.
Once again, I have to say it seems to me that the logline dodges the most obvious and more important issues raised by the kid’s discovery. That the Big Discovery distracts from his game seems to me to be the VERY LEAST of his problems.
Would’nt it be interesting to give us a glimpse of why this discovery jeopardize his dream of succeeding as an athlete? And still I think you could nail a better adjective for your MC. Or as dpg putted it, stick with the “young man”…
But it’s way more straightforward than the first one. Good work!
Would’nt it be interesting to give us a glimpse of why this discovery jeopardize his dream of succeeding as an athlete? And still I think you could nail a better adjective for your MC. Or as dpg putted it, stick with the “young man”…
But it’s way more straightforward than the first one. Good work!
Am I getting closer? Here is a another variation of my logline.
Disbelieving he is a product of rape; a devout athlete’s championship hopes are jeopardized when he defies his sadistic mother to uncover the heartrending truth about his long-lost dad.
Am I getting closer? Here is a another variation of my logline.
Disbelieving he is a product of rape; a devout athlete’s championship hopes are jeopardized when he defies his sadistic mother to uncover the heartrending truth about his long-lost dad.
I agree that “faith is tested” lacks concreteness — what’s the visual?
But I also think that losing concentration for game day is the very LEAST of his problems, of the consequences and skeletons that fall out of the closet as a result of the discovery about the woman he thought was his mother.
I agree that “faith is tested” lacks concreteness — what’s the visual?
But I also think that losing concentration for game day is the very LEAST of his problems, of the consequences and skeletons that fall out of the closet as a result of the discovery about the woman he thought was his mother.
“Faith is tested,” is abstract, “threatening his championship hopes” gives the reader better stakes. He wants to find his father but at the risk of losing the championship. (Which means the whole world to him)
You simply need to tell us how his mother plans to ruin his chance at a championship,
“Faith is tested,” is abstract, “threatening his championship hopes” gives the reader better stakes. He wants to find his father but at the risk of losing the championship. (Which means the whole world to him)
You simply need to tell us how his mother plans to ruin his chance at a championship,
On a quest to find his father, a young man’s love for his mother is tested when he discovers she did not adopt him — she abducted him from another family.
He could still be very religious, a factor that comes out in the course of the story. Or if you’re pitching to a production company interested in stories with a strongly religious theme and orientation:
On a quest to find his father, a young man’s religious faith and love for his mother is tested when he discovers she did not adopt him — she abducted him from another family.
On a quest to find his father, a young man’s love for his mother is tested when he discovers she did not adopt him — she abducted him from another family.
He could still be very religious, a factor that comes out in the course of the story. Or if you’re pitching to a production company interested in stories with a strongly religious theme and orientation:
On a quest to find his father, a young man’s religious faith and love for his mother is tested when he discovers she did not adopt him — she abducted him from another family.
On a quest to find his long-lost father, a godly athlete’s faith is tested when he discovers his fugitive mother abducted him as a small child.
Tagline: Basketball was just a game; finding out the truth became his goal.
On a quest to find his long-lost father, a godly athlete’s faith is tested when he discovers his fugitive mother abducted him as a small child.
Tagline: Basketball was just a game; finding out the truth became his goal.
How about this version?
On a quest to find his long-lost father, a college athlete’s faith is tested when he discovers his fugitive mother abducted him as a small child.?
How about this version?
On a quest to find his long-lost father, a college athlete’s faith is tested when he discovers his fugitive mother abducted him as a small child.?
Then that part of the logline seems to give away the Big Discovery.
Then that part of the logline seems to give away the Big Discovery.
His being abducted is what he finally discovers as he searches for his dad.
His being abducted is what he finally discovers as he searches for his dad.
Does he search for his long-lost father because he knows he was abducted or is that what he finally discovers as he searches for his dad?
Does he search for his long-lost father because he knows he was abducted or is that what he finally discovers as he searches for his dad?
Threatens with what?
When he seeks to reunite with his estranged father, a college athlete’s sadistic mother threatens his championship hopes by (Doing this) to stop him.
Threatens with what?
When he seeks to reunite with his estranged father, a college athlete’s sadistic mother threatens his championship hopes by (Doing this) to stop him.