Holla At The Devil
Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
After a womanising snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him by making outlandish promises, she curses him and the only cure is to fulfill every one of his deceptive vows.
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lol, you beat me to it Valentin, The Witch should be the mother of the girl he tricks into bed 🙂
lol, you beat me to it Valentin, The Witch should be the mother of the girl he tricks into bed 🙂
When a womanising snowboarder sweet talks a naive gypsy virgin into bed, his victim’s mother, a powerful witch curses him and the only way to lift it is to convince her daughter to marry him and stay faithful to her for a full year.
When a womanising snowboarder sweet talks a naive gypsy virgin into bed, his victim’s mother, a powerful witch curses him and the only way to lift it is to convince her daughter to marry him and stay faithful to her for a full year.
So, it’s outlandish promises, now, instead of threats of self-destructive acts per version 1.0? If so, that makes more sense.
But I do have a problem with the lack of specificity. What was the nature of the vows? Did he make them to her, that is, was she to be the beneficiary? Why else would she fall for the con? Why else would she respond so strongly to his failure to follow through?
I presume the guy is the protagonist but I gotta wonder: what kind of witch would fall for the bait? What character flaw of hers did his con hook into? As a character, I find her more interesting than the guy. Snowboarders –even womanizing ones — are not uncommon and unique — but a witch?
And does the plot pivot on his being a snowboarder? He’s a manipulative, womanizing guy — isn’t that enough for the purpose of the logline?
So, it’s outlandish promises, now, instead of threats of self-destructive acts per version 1.0? If so, that makes more sense.
But I do have a problem with the lack of specificity. What was the nature of the vows? Did he make them to her, that is, was she to be the beneficiary? Why else would she fall for the con? Why else would she respond so strongly to his failure to follow through?
I presume the guy is the protagonist but I gotta wonder: what kind of witch would fall for the bait? What character flaw of hers did his con hook into? As a character, I find her more interesting than the guy. Snowboarders –even womanizing ones — are not uncommon and unique — but a witch?
And does the plot pivot on his being a snowboarder? He’s a manipulative, womanizing guy — isn’t that enough for the purpose of the logline?
After a womanising snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him by making outlandish promises, she curses him and the only cure is to fulfill every one of his deceptive vows.
After a womanising snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him by making outlandish promises, she curses him and the only cure is to fulfill every one of his deceptive vows.
Niiiice.
Niiiice.
Good point. Your right, the promises are needed.
After a chauvinist snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him by making outlandish promises, she curses him and the only cure’s for him to fulfill every one of his deceptive vows.?
Good point. Your right, the promises are needed.
After a chauvinist snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him by making outlandish promises, she curses him and the only cure’s for him to fulfill every one of his deceptive vows.?
Thanks for the feedback bud. Couple of quick questions.
Don’t you feel that, if I remove the section about his MAKING the outlandish promises, that “the only cure is for him to fulfill all promises” becomes a non-sequitor? Like, what promises would he need to fulfill? Ever promise ever? Just ones made by him?
As for “consumes his whole body” – we want to draw on the idea of “the monster within” – so think something like Wikus in District 9, Brundle in The Fly, Edgar in Men In Black, Grant in Slither … perhaps there’s a better way to communicate that now that you have some reference points? Like, perhaps I could say “decays his body”?
Thanks for the feedback bud. Couple of quick questions.
Don’t you feel that, if I remove the section about his MAKING the outlandish promises, that “the only cure is for him to fulfill all promises” becomes a non-sequitor? Like, what promises would he need to fulfill? Ever promise ever? Just ones made by him?
As for “consumes his whole body” – we want to draw on the idea of “the monster within” – so think something like Wikus in District 9, Brundle in The Fly, Edgar in Men In Black, Grant in Slither … perhaps there’s a better way to communicate that now that you have some reference points? Like, perhaps I could say “decays his body”?
Btw, I’m not sure what “Consumes his whole body” means in practical terms.
Btw, I’m not sure what “Consumes his whole body” means in practical terms.
There may be a few un-needed lines. How about this, I’m not changing anything, I’m just getting rid of a few extra words.
—–
“After a chauvinist snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him, she curses him and the only cure is for him to fulfill all promises.”
—–
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
There may be a few un-needed lines. How about this, I’m not changing anything, I’m just getting rid of a few extra words.
—–
“After a chauvinist snowboarder tricks a vengeful witch into sleeping with him, she curses him and the only cure is for him to fulfill all promises.”
—–
Hope that helped, good luck with this!