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After a series of strange events, a young woman concludes that she is a witch with magical powers. Against her will , her family pushes her to undergo psychiatric treatment.
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After a series of strange events (This is a bit vague, you should give us a specific event)
a young woman (‘young’ doesn’t really tell us about the lead characters personality)
concludes that she is a witch with magical powers. (Saying witch and magical powers is redundant, you should use one or the other)
Against her will , her family pushes her to undergo psychiatric treatment (Against her will clashes with ‘pushes’ because pushes implies they are trying to get her to admit herself into the facility; but against her will implies they admitted her without her consent)
One big question…Is the story about the psychiatric treatment or about the events leading up to the treatment?
Because it will change how the logline is written.
How about this:
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“When her Pentecostal father admits her into a psychiatric ward against her will, a rebellious teen who believes she’s a witch must prove she’s not crazy before she can regain her freedom”
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Hope this helped, good luck with this!
I agree with Richiev. In fact, I think the main problem with this logline is that it’s only half of a movie. I can’t see what the movie is really about. I think you should focus on conflict: the troubled teen (who I assume is the hero) VS the family, or the psychiatrist, or the mental institution… For exemple: “After a series of strange events, a troubled teen convinces herself she’s a witch and is put in a mental hospital where she must fight to discover her true nature”.
thanks, this helps a lot! i hope to hear your comments after i re-write it 🙂
I like the concept. Doesn’t need somef tweaking.
“After a series of strange events” and “what powers” To vague; show don’t tell.
Saying the same thing twice:
(1) “a witch with special powers”.
(2) “against”- “pushes”
Also make the protag ACTIVE! Don’t let her ‘undergo’ events, let her take CONTROL!
Sory Luc?a, me undergoing your psychiatric treatment ‘got out of hand’…
Agreed with many of the comments above I would add the importance of the relationship between character trajectory and genre. By this I mean consider her character flaw and how she overcomes it then consider the genre, does her inner journey relate to the genre?
This concept could be a drama or a fantasy magic story or a gothic thriller with each one the character flaw could be used to convey and enhance this. Point is I couldn’t pick the genre and I think to help with this you should use a good clear character flaw description.
There have been many teenage movies about teens discovering “special” or “magical” powers. So many in fact that to write one today the concept has to be unique and in this case a unique concept means a unique inner journey.
Hope this helps.
What is at stake? What would she like to achieve? What is her goal?
Doesn’t really sound like a gripping story. You could do something better with the witchery aspect rather than have the young woman undergo psychiatric treatment. Perhaps she could use her powers to become a vigilante of sorts or seek revenge on those who bullied her at school and made her adolescent years miserable.
Thanks all for your comments!
According to the plots categorized by Blake Snyder, my story is genre “Superhero”. Not so much, because of the whole being a witch.. Actually my intention is that during the script, you are never sure, whether she is crazy or whether she is actually a witch. It’s mostly about being misunderstood and showing that we live in a narrow-minded society.
The main character is in no way passive, she has a very strong character.
What do you think of this one?
After a series of strange events that include precognitive dreams , changes in her body , and achieving knowledge inexplicably, a college student woman from a middle-class family, concludes that she is a witch. Her family becomes worried and pushes her to start a psychiatric treatment which she must fight to discover her true nature.
Sounds quite interesting. Maybe a “series of Supernatural events” might suffice, I know what Richiev is saying but because it is a series of events it starts to becoming a cluttered logline.
I think you’re right, that sounds better 😀 thank you