Penpusher
Posted: 2015-05-15T13:28:39+10:00 In:

After being assaulted by his family and the Christian community, a homosexual male is led to decide whether his happiness is more important than his family.

Breaking Tradition

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      One of the specific ways he could chose between ‘happiness’ and his family is choosing between the man he loves and his family.

      “After he’s outed, a reluctant homosexual must choose between his homophobic but loving family or the man he loves.”

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    2. Singularity

      All versions of the logline present a generic predicament that many gay men (and women) endure. But none of them present a specific course of action that this particular gay person takes as a result of the rejection and conflict. What does “led to decide” mean in terms of a specific objective goal the young man struggles for? For the purposes of drama, “happiness”, while certainly desirable, is a subjective goal. It’s an internal state of mind. But film is about what is external, the visceral that also has a visual component. What is the visual for “happiness” for this gay man? What’s does it look like?

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    3. Singularity

      Making a decision is not taking action it is what happens before that, additionally this logline lacks a goal and action the MC will take to achieve it. However the logline describes a great inciting incident I would embellish it a bit and add brutally assaulted to increase the level of trauma and motivation.

      Best to remove “…is led to decide whether his happiness is more important than his family.” and structure a goal for the MC that connects to his beating.

      Lastly no need to describe the MC as male this is implied by the use of the word “?his?”.

      Hope this helps.

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