Singularity
Posted: 2013-06-08T11:00:38+10:00 In:

After being fired for accidentally killing the hero, a bumbling minion is conscripted by the local village to defeat the Warlord.

Minion

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    18 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      This has been written, having trouble with the logline.

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    2. Hi Richiev,

      Sounds interesting — but t feels a bit vague/ unclear…

      What/ who exactly is ‘the hero’?

      What specifically is a ‘minion’?

      And when and where is this set? — obviously not a prerequisite to a logline, but I get the sense it might be relevant/ worthwhile here…

      It’s down at 21 words, so you’ve got some room to move and provide more specific details.

      Best of luck.

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    3. Singularity

      Thanks Tony, I was having that trouble while writing it. (And keeping the word count down)

      1) Marshall arts film

      2) It takes place in ancient China

      3) A minion is basically fodder sent to wear down the hero so he will be easy picken’s for the Warlord.

      However if a minion were to defeat the hero, the Warlord would lose honor and could be kicked out of the Warlord union. So Tong (The minion) is fired. (Sort of Donald trump style)

      4) After he’s fired, Tong’s captured by the village, they tell him “Since you killed our hero now you must face the warlord.

      5) He is trained by ‘The Elder’ whose granddaughter (Li Li) was in love with “Chen” the Hero he accidentally killed

      6) Part of the story the relationship between Li LI and Tong.

      What tong wants: To be good at something (He’s a bit of a failure)
      What Tong needs: To believe in himself (The internal journey of the story)

      Not sure how to say that in 30 words.

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    4. Penpusher

      Hi Richiev,

      The killed hero is a Y?uxi? and your hero is his young novice, isn’t it?

      What about this?

      “After accidentally killing his master, a Youxia?s novice is trained by the village Elder despite the (initial) irritation of the late master?s lover to defeat the Warlord, “

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    5. Samurai

      Wow — I can understand your struggles. One of the first issues that I see is the potential confusion over the title ‘the hero’… obviously confusing as it could be construed to mean THE hero, as in, the protagonist.

      So — just to so I get this straight:

      There are two warring villages, both having armies made up of soldiers (for want of a better term…), A Warlord (like a General?), a Hero (like an elite soldier?) and a minion (a minor ranking soldier, who’s task it is to challenge the Hero of the enemy village, quite possibly there to get himself killed, in an effort to weaken the hero so that he becomes an easier target for the Warlord…? And what happens in your story is that your Minion (Tong) ends up killing the opposing village hero, makes it back to his own village (army) only to be told ‘Your FIRED!’ because he has disgraced his Warlord. He is then captured by the enemy village (army) and told that he is this villages new Hero, and that he must now face his own armies Warlord…?

      1. ‘In Ancient China, a disgraced bumbling foot soldier is captured by his village’s enemy and is forced to challenge his own army’s Warlord in a fight to the death.’

      2. ‘In Ancient China, after being banished for killing his Warlords opponent, a disgraced bumbling foot soldier is captured by his village’s enemy and is forced to challenge his own army’s Warlord in a fight to the death.’

      3. In Ancient China, after being banished for killing his Warlords opponent, a disgraced bumbling foot soldier is captured by his village’s enemy and is forced to replace replace the vanquished opponent in a fight to the death.

      whew! — that is tough. I know this is probably way far from home, definitely a mouthful — but I’ve done my best to make it clearer (I can here a unified groan from across the blog-sphere as I type this of …’yeah…right.’)

      Anyway — I might have another play later — that one hurt my brain.

      Really cool story though… 😉

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    6. Singularity

      In ancient China, when a bumbling soldier accidentally kills a village’s valiant protector, the villagers recruit him to become the new protector against their warlord enemy.

      Doesn’t capture the delicious irony of the premise, but it’s 26 words.

      Suggested title: “Accidental Hero”

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    7. Singularity

      Thanks guys, I think you are getting closer.

      However I don’t think ‘foot soldier is quite right

      In marshal arts films when a “Hero” goes up against “The big bad guy” he first has to face hundreds of minions. They surround him and attack him one at a time. Then they get the butts kicked.

      This script is from the point of view of a minion. One of those faceless fighters that stand in rows and shout “Huh!”

      But I think you are right that using the word ‘minion’ is confusing.

      I do like the title, “Accidental Hero” I may keep it in my back pocket

      As for why the village wants the Warlord defeated, it’s because he forces them to pay ‘tribute’ to him for his protection. (of course the only danger the village has is from the Warlord himself)
      ————————————————

      “After being fired for accidentally killing the hero, a bumbling Chinese marshal artist is conscripted by the local village to defeat the Warlord who’s been forcing them to pay tribute.”

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    8. Singularity

      My only concern in using the word “minion” in the logline is the lowest common denominator of comprehension: that is, how many people know what a minion is in martial arts?

      If a lot of people don’t then, what might be the risk of befuddlement — and because of that they move onto the next logline? (If they’re too lazy or busy to google.)

      If that is a risk to be concerned about, then what difference does it make in their minds by using the term soldier instead in the logline? (Minion can get an exposition moment in the script.)

      fwiw

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    9. Singularity

      I agree dpg. just saying minion doesn’t work.

      I think if I said ‘minion of the Warlord’ it would be more specific but then I would be using the word Warlord twice. I am trying to avoid that.

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    10. I also think you need to find a better term than ‘the hero’ to describe the ‘senior/ elite’ fighter that gets killed by Tong — as it could be read to mean the protagonist gets killed… that’s if you are sending it to any Prod Co’s etc that aren’t versed in the martial arts genre (I’m not — and I was confused on the first couple of reads…) — it’s a similar issue to ‘minion’ — I think anyway…. or maybe ‘after he accidentally kills the enemy’s hero…’ ???

      Here’s another bumbling mouthful…

      “After accidentally killing the enemy?s ?hero? and disgracing his own Warlord, a bumbling low ranking fighter must challenge his own Warlord when he is banished from his village’s army and captured by the enemy”

      I see the issue with repeating the reference to ‘the Warlord…’ — Maybe it could just be:

      “After accidentally killing the enemy?s ?hero?, a bumbling low ranking fighter must challenge his own Warlord when he is banished from his village’s army and captured by the enemy”

      Hope this helps.

      Otherwise best of luck — really dig this…. I know this probably isn’t helpful and might sound way off the mark, but it’s reminding me of the animated ‘ANTZ’… 😉 — just with an accidental hero type character… you know… I doubt very much that Woody Allen could pull-off any martial arts moves… but it’s funny to think about 😉

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    11. Penpusher

      Hi guys,

      I missed something in Richiev first explanation. I understood my mistake, I think.

      An after searching a long time what could be the right tongue without any lie lie, I found this:

      After accidentally killing the Youxia protector of a village, a dismissed draftee is trained by the Elder to fight the Warlord (22 words)

      And with Li Li:

      After accidentally killing the Youxia protector of a village and despite the late?s lover hostility, a dismissed draftee is trained by the Elder to fight the Warlord (28 words)

      JM

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    12. Penpusher

      I love the idea of an accidental hero type character such as Woody Allen! 🙂

      JM

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    13. Penpusher

      Possibly better:

      After accidentally killing the Youxia protector of a village, a dismissed draftee is trained by the Elder to fight his former Warlord (23 words)

      And with Li Li:

      After accidentally killing the Youxia protector of a village and despite the late?s lover hostility, a dismissed draftee is trained by the Elder to fight his former Warlord (29 words)

      JM

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    14. The first offering in your last post is the best thus far, IMO anyway…

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    15. Your=Jean…

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    16. Samurai

      Hi Richiev,

      I re-read your revised logline in this thread and think it’s a 50-50 split between that and Jean’s second last offering — just IMO ‘n all that…

      Regardless, I think you’ve got a seriously awesome film on your hands. As I mentioned, I’m no aficionado on martial arts films, but if this was showing down at my local haunt it would be on my list to see. Best of luck with it.

      Below is just my play on Jean’s (ta Jean;) ) — it’s at 29 words, and maybe a bit stumbly, but just FWIW ‘n all that 😉

      “After accidentally killing the protector of an enemy village, a banished inferior martial arts fighter, the Minion, is trained by his enemy?s Elder to fight his own village?s Warlord.”

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    17. Samurai

      or… “After being banished for accidentally killing his Warlord?s enemy target, an inferior martial arts fighter, The Minion, is trained by the enemy?s Elder to become the village?s new hero”…

      I’ll stop now 😉

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    18. Penpusher

      Hi you two,

      I think that we realy need to find an other word than “Minion”, … because it definitely makes me thinking to “DESPICABLE ME”, and I’m afraid it will be quite the same for a lot of people. Isn’t it ? 🙁

      All the best.

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