Being others
After being struck by lightning, a geeky bullied teen discovers that he has the ability to obtain the skills, strength, and knowledge of others via touch, he uses this newly found gift to get even with his tormenters and win the heart of the girl he adores.
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“After he gains super powers while struck by lightning, a bullied teen uses his new abilities to get revenge on his tormentors.”
“After he gains super powers while struck by lightning, a bullied teen uses his new abilities to get revenge on his tormentors.”
The logline forces the logical connection between the MC being struck by lightening and him getting the girl or the bad guys. Therefore the concept feels laboured to me, if I were to here of a boy being struck by lighting and getting special powers I wouldn’t likely think that he will now get the girl of his dreams.
The cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal is not evident in the log line.
Is his main goal to get back at the tormentors or get the girl? These are separate goals of separate plots.
If it is getting back at the tormentors; can they some how force him out into a storm and as a result he gets struck by lighting? This would mean that the inciting incident happens as a result of the bad guys and then the connection between it and him getting his revenge is clear.
If it is getting the girl; could he some how find him self stranded outdoors during a storm in an attempt to do a huge romantic gesture that goes wrong? Then as a result of him chasing her the inciting incident takes place.
Unrelated to the logline structure, this is another movie about a teenager getting special powers which is a stretch now days. You really have to work hard on the character and premise to make it appear interesting and stand out from the myriad of other teenage special power movies.
What is it about his character flaw that makes his journey unique?
Hope this helps.
The logline forces the logical connection between the MC being struck by lightening and him getting the girl or the bad guys. Therefore the concept feels laboured to me, if I were to here of a boy being struck by lighting and getting special powers I wouldn’t likely think that he will now get the girl of his dreams.
The cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal is not evident in the log line.
Is his main goal to get back at the tormentors or get the girl? These are separate goals of separate plots.
If it is getting back at the tormentors; can they some how force him out into a storm and as a result he gets struck by lighting? This would mean that the inciting incident happens as a result of the bad guys and then the connection between it and him getting his revenge is clear.
If it is getting the girl; could he some how find him self stranded outdoors during a storm in an attempt to do a huge romantic gesture that goes wrong? Then as a result of him chasing her the inciting incident takes place.
Unrelated to the logline structure, this is another movie about a teenager getting special powers which is a stretch now days. You really have to work hard on the character and premise to make it appear interesting and stand out from the myriad of other teenage special power movies.
What is it about his character flaw that makes his journey unique?
Hope this helps.
It’s all too easy, there’s no struggle… Like putting a deux ex machina at the top of the story. Either it needs a strong outside antagonistic force, or the antagonistic force should come from the MC himself (like with ‘Chronicle’ etc…) if there’s no battle there’s no drama, no stakes, no reason to want to SEE the outcome.
Best of luck.
It’s all too easy, there’s no struggle… Like putting a deux ex machina at the top of the story. Either it needs a strong outside antagonistic force, or the antagonistic force should come from the MC himself (like with ‘Chronicle’ etc…) if there’s no battle there’s no drama, no stakes, no reason to want to SEE the outcome.
Best of luck.
Thanks it does help-but I failed to mention in the logline that he uncovers a plot to sabotage his father’s new rollercoaster & then discovers that someone else who possesses the same power is working for the saboteur.
Thanks it does help-but I failed to mention in the logline that he uncovers a plot to sabotage his father’s new rollercoaster & then discovers that someone else who possesses the same power is working for the saboteur.
I need to rewrite the logline, but there is a struggle, the protagonist finds out that there is a plot to sabotage his dad’s new rollercoaster but finds out that another person (a female) with the same power is working for the saboteurs….
Thanks for your advice.
I need to rewrite the logline, but there is a struggle, the protagonist finds out that there is a plot to sabotage his dad’s new rollercoaster but finds out that another person (a female) with the same power is working for the saboteurs….
Thanks for your advice.
This sounds like you are aiming this story for the Young Adult crowd. You are dealing with complicated levels in this story. I?m not sure you will be able to fit them all in your logline.
What is the inciting incident? I?m assuming his getting special powers. You say his goal is to stop a plot to sabotage his father?s rollercoaster, but that isn?t implied at all as the logline is right now. Then you mention that there is a female with the same powers working with the saboteurs. Is this the same girl he adores? That would make for an interesting dilemma. If so, you need to consider all of that as you write your logline. This will help focus your protagonist?s goal and the antagonistic force.
I hope this helps.
This sounds like you are aiming this story for the Young Adult crowd. You are dealing with complicated levels in this story. I?m not sure you will be able to fit them all in your logline.
What is the inciting incident? I?m assuming his getting special powers. You say his goal is to stop a plot to sabotage his father?s rollercoaster, but that isn?t implied at all as the logline is right now. Then you mention that there is a female with the same powers working with the saboteurs. Is this the same girl he adores? That would make for an interesting dilemma. If so, you need to consider all of that as you write your logline. This will help focus your protagonist?s goal and the antagonistic force.
I hope this helps.
You have described three separate and seemingly unrelated plots:
Stopping the bullies and getting revenge for their actions.
Chasing the girl and ending up in a relationship with her.
Stopping the plot to sabotage his father’s roller coaster.
None of the above appear related to each other or to that matter even befitting presence in the same genre.
What is your main plot? What does your MC want in the A plot of your story?
This should constitute the logline.
You have described three separate and seemingly unrelated plots:
Stopping the bullies and getting revenge for their actions.
Chasing the girl and ending up in a relationship with her.
Stopping the plot to sabotage his father’s roller coaster.
None of the above appear related to each other or to that matter even befitting presence in the same genre.
What is your main plot? What does your MC want in the A plot of your story?
This should constitute the logline.