Evil Intentions
Alan SmitheePenpusher
After escaping from a galactic penal colony, seven prisoners find their bid for freedom has turned into a battle for their survival when they must outwit and out manoeuvre a psychopathic android with holographic, shape shifting abilities intent on re-enacting the twisted deaths he has watched in old horror movies.
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Thanks Tony.Funny you should mention Marvin, he kept messing with my head while I was tryng to write this. The do actaully have to dock with the other ship becuse of lack of fuel to get any further. I will keep workingon both the logline ans the script. Thank you once again for taking the time to help it is very much appreciated. lois…
Hi Lois,
This has some definite potential for a cool horror comedy IMO… You’re probably just shooting for sci-fi horror, but for some reason I can’t get the thought of Marvin from The Hitch Hikers Guide going homocidal out of my head : /
The issue with it, for me, is that it gives the impression that the main action is a chase… If it was contained in an area it would be a lot scarier. I’m no Blake Snyder zealot, but his take on genre is masterful. He breaks horror down into what he calls Monster In The House; the hero et’al must be in a place from which there is no escape… Even in horror flicks that take place outdoors, or in your case outer space, there are lots of examples where this is the case: Alien, The Blair Wich Project, Jaws, 2001 A Space Odessy…even Spielberg’s early Duel… If they escaped the prison colony and crashed on a moon where there was some kind of deserted base etc etc etc…. But that would just be my spin.
Regardless, I see potential … The hook is killer. Best of luck.
Thanks Guys. Ben Hur I can write. Short… not so much. Appreciate the feedback
I miss the connection between the robot and their escape. Is the robot the prison sentry searching for them? Or prisoners crash somewhere and wake up a monster? In the second case, you are actually writing two loglines.
In the case that the robot is a sentry from the prison, it is okay.
Group of prisoners escaping from futuristic prison meet their last obstacle to freedom – a deadly giant sentry robot.
In the case, that its two separated events:
Fugitives crashed on the planet and now must fight a deadly giant robot if they ever want to get out alive.
Or Comma’s even
oops, probably should have added a couple coma’s at the end there.
“After pulling off an ingenious escape, a futuristic prisoner jumps into the fire when he and his fellow escapee’s become hunted by a psychopathic shape shifting battle robot.”