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Nicholas Andrew HallsSamurai
After his father gives him a job at their small-town newspaper, a conceited journalist buried in debt investigates a sports drug scandal that implicates his athlete brother.
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I believe all the elements are there.
Good luck with this!
Sounds very interesting ! Questions that crop to mind when i read this ”What is his relationship with his father like ?” ”Why is he buried in debt ?” ”What consequences will this scandal have on the relationship between him and his brother ?” — Btw not expecting you to answer these just stating that it makes me want to know more ! Also the fact the guy is buried in debt links to many people who would watch this. Good luck with this !
Awesome rewrite 😀 !! You nailed the father aspect.
“Buried in debt” is a problem and that might be related to a character flaw. But I don’t know what that flaw is. If there isn’t one, what purpose does it serve in the logline?
And I don’t see the dramatic causal link between either the conceit or the debt problem and the drug scandal that implicates his brother.
That is, I don’t see the character flaw of conceit as a necessary cause of the plot problem. Nor do I see in the logline that the plot problem threatens to take him down because of his character flaw of conceit.
Correct me if I’m wrong. I see “buried in debt” and “conceited” as two strongly connected elements to create conflict situation.
Hero is “buried in debt”, so he needs to work. He investigates scandal that implicates his brother, so making this scandal public means troubles not only for his brother but also his father. This could lead to losing his job. Any other guy would withdraw, but he is conceited – he can’t leave it. So as he investigates more and more he gets more and more in troubles.
>> but he is conceited ? he can?t leave it. So as he investigates
No positive motivation for his investigative reporting, the virtue of integrity?
He is a journalist, so curiosity is in his blood. That’s enough as motivation for me.
However, you are right that motivation is still not clear. Discovering that brother is implicated in drug scandal is an important plot point. I can’t be sure whether it’s a first turning point or a midpoint. Does he start investigation AND THEN he finds his brother is implicated in? Or does he start investigation BECAUSE he finds his brother is implicated in?
>>That?s enough as motivation for me.
But is it enough for the audience?
Clarification:
Conceit is a good enough to kick start the story. But…
Will the audience be satisfied with mere conceit as the reason he doggedly pursues the story?
What happens to his conceit after he finds out his brother is implicated?
>>>>That?s enough as motivation for me.
>>But is it enough for the audience?
It would be great to know the answer 🙂
>>Conceit is a good enough to kick start the story. But?
>>Will the audience be satisfied with mere conceit as the reason he doggedly pursues the story?
>>What happens to his conceit after he finds out his brother is implicated?
That’s a great question. I feel that there will be something more than merely conceit – something that is hidden in hero’s relationships with father, brother, maybe something from the past. Something that will push the story further. You are right – conceit could be not enough for the whole story but is it enough for a logline?
What do you see as the fundamental subjective or thematical issue that arises in uncovering the scandal? The challenge to his conceit to pursue the story, no matter where it leads? The moral dilemma he finds himself caught in?
Or?
I think that is a question for logline’s author.
Personally, I prefer moral dilemmas, and I would twist this story that way: Poor journalist gets the time of his life investigating a huge drug scandal but when he discovers his loved brother is implicated in, he needs to find a way to please his demanding boss and conceal his brother crimes. Or something like this. No father in this version. However, that would be a different story.
>>I prefer moral dilemmas
Ditto.