Unkillable
After three teammates are killed in separate incidents during a mission, an elite surveillance operator struggles with being labelled as a magnet of doom by a fellow operator simply because all three men were in close contact with him just before they died.
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The protagonist is passive — reacting to what other people think of him. What is he doing about it? What is his objective goal? Who/what opposes him? What’s at stake that the audience should care what? It’s got be something more than what his fellow operators think about him.
The protagonist is passive — reacting to what other people think of him. What is he doing about it? What is his objective goal? Who/what opposes him? What’s at stake that the audience should care what? It’s got be something more than what his fellow operators think about him.
You need a plot. That will greatly improve this logline.
You need a plot. That will greatly improve this logline.
To help with the above comments you need to increase the stakes. Try changing “…struggles with being labelled…” to; is accused of murder or is put to a court-martial.
In loglines the verb struggling as the main action for the protagonist is often a weak description of what they will do because it is vague and doesn’t paint a clear image of what the story will look like.
Also I’m not sure what “…an elite surveillance operator…” is can you describe the protagonist in a more succinct and clear manner?
Hope this helps.
To help with the above comments you need to increase the stakes. Try changing “…struggles with being labelled…” to; is accused of murder or is put to a court-martial.
In loglines the verb struggling as the main action for the protagonist is often a weak description of what they will do because it is vague and doesn’t paint a clear image of what the story will look like.
Also I’m not sure what “…an elite surveillance operator…” is can you describe the protagonist in a more succinct and clear manner?
Hope this helps.