Logliner
Posted: 2016-04-30T15:21:46+10:00 In:

After witnessing a god rape her sister, a naive nymph seeks revenge, risking her life in the process.

After witnessing a god rape her sister, a naive nymph seeks revenge, risking her life in the process.
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    6 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      “Seeks revenge” is a bit vague, you should be more specific on how she must accomplish her goal.

      —–
      “After her sister is raped, a naive nymph must climb mount Olympus battling demonic entities, on order to confront the God who attacked her sister; and destroy him.”
      —–

      Now it’s more specific, she must climb a mountain and battle demons. We now have an idea what her trials will be. (your story will be different of course)

      Hope this helped, good luck!

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    2. Logliner

      I agree with the above review.? You have your main character and an inciting incident and an end goal. But the logline needs further information on how she plans to achieve that goal.

      In the text – could also cut out “in the process”.? E.g. “…. risking her life and virtue by descending into Hades, battling demons… ” or maybe even cut out “risking her life” if it is evident that this is what is happening.

      Just my 2c worth. Hope it helps.

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    3. Mentor

      I agree with the previous comments.
      Anyway, it’s a good concept – be sure to read a lot of greek myths, that would help you create a story which is new and ancient at?the same time.

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    4. Penpusher

      Great start! But it feels a little vague. What kind of god? Does the nymph have any faults that must be overcome. How is she going to risk her life?

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    5. Singularity

      Agree with Richiev and FFF.

      And “risking her life in the process” goes without needing to say so. ?That’s always the implied stakes, especially when a character takes on a god.

      And what about the rape victim? ?Why can’t she be the one who seeks revenge? ?After, she’s the one who has suffered the more, who has the stronger motivation.

      ?

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    6. Singularity

      I want to echo what dpg said. The lead character who seeks revenge should be the victim. ?Sort of, “I spit on your grave” Meets “God of war” (The video game)

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