Redemption
An alcoholic former ship captain must slay his own demons as he reassembles his ragtag crew to embark on one last mission: rescue his long-thought-dead pilot and unite him with the daughter he never knew he had.
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There is a common misconception with regards to the function of loglines. We have identified 2 different types of loglines the first is a concept development and structuring tool in which case the word count is not strict but less is better. The second is a marketing/pitching tool in which case the word count is strict 30 words or under.
If your script is complete, well refined and polished to the point you feel comfortable handing it to the head of a studio then you would be best structuring a logline for marketing/pitching the story.
If you are either structuring the story or writing an early draft then you would probably gain more from developing a logline as a concept development and structure tool.
It is entirely up to you to decide at what stage of development your project is currently at. Please note, no body has asked you “…to do…” anything. We all want to help each other on our journeys as story tellers and we are merely providing you with our honest opinions to help you with your logline.
About the logline. Slaying the demons is the MC inner journey’s goal and in loglines best to describe only the outer journey. As Richiev said “…slaying metaphorical demons will not get people to read your script,” but, the outer goal and action the MC takes to achieve it, will.
This is why in a logline better to focus on the outer journey goal the obstacle and the antagonist not the inner journey. The way you bring the inner journey into the logline is with the MC description and flaw this informs the reader your character is multidimensional and will have to go on a journey of change this makes him or her an interesting character.
I’d also add that it would be an even more compelling story if the goal was more personal.
For example:
After his brother is lost at sea an alcoholic ship captain must re unit his crew and battle the elements to save his brother’s life.
Hope this helps.
There is a common misconception with regards to the function of loglines. We have identified 2 different types of loglines the first is a concept development and structuring tool in which case the word count is not strict but less is better. The second is a marketing/pitching tool in which case the word count is strict 30 words or under.
If your script is complete, well refined and polished to the point you feel comfortable handing it to the head of a studio then you would be best structuring a logline for marketing/pitching the story.
If you are either structuring the story or writing an early draft then you would probably gain more from developing a logline as a concept development and structure tool.
It is entirely up to you to decide at what stage of development your project is currently at. Please note, no body has asked you “…to do…” anything. We all want to help each other on our journeys as story tellers and we are merely providing you with our honest opinions to help you with your logline.
About the logline. Slaying the demons is the MC inner journey’s goal and in loglines best to describe only the outer journey. As Richiev said “…slaying metaphorical demons will not get people to read your script,” but, the outer goal and action the MC takes to achieve it, will.
This is why in a logline better to focus on the outer journey goal the obstacle and the antagonist not the inner journey. The way you bring the inner journey into the logline is with the MC description and flaw this informs the reader your character is multidimensional and will have to go on a journey of change this makes him or her an interesting character.
I’d also add that it would be an even more compelling story if the goal was more personal.
For example:
After his brother is lost at sea an alcoholic ship captain must re unit his crew and battle the elements to save his brother’s life.
Hope this helps.
On the contrary, the point is, you have added too much to the logline to the point the logline has lost it’s focus.
P.S. As for Slaying demons, slaying metaphorical demons will not get people to read your script, you should really drop that from the logine (Not the script, solid character development)
On the contrary, the point is, you have added too much to the logline to the point the logline has lost it’s focus.
P.S. As for Slaying demons, slaying metaphorical demons will not get people to read your script, you should really drop that from the logine (Not the script, solid character development)
Well…I’m confused. I’m at 39 words. All of the things I’m being asked to do will raise – not lower – that count. Slaying demons isn’t to be taken literally. I’m just saying he must deal with his own personal issues which have contributed to his alcoholism. I get the part about focusing on his central goal, which would be to rescue his pilot, but to do so requires he slay his demons and reassemble his crew. I can see leaving out the daughter thing but giving the how and the why for the journey will skyrocket the word count. I thought the idea was to inspire curiosity. I feel like I’m being asked to tell too much. But thanks for the feedback!
Well…I’m confused. I’m at 39 words. All of the things I’m being asked to do will raise – not lower – that count. Slaying demons isn’t to be taken literally. I’m just saying he must deal with his own personal issues which have contributed to his alcoholism. I get the part about focusing on his central goal, which would be to rescue his pilot, but to do so requires he slay his demons and reassemble his crew. I can see leaving out the daughter thing but giving the how and the why for the journey will skyrocket the word count. I thought the idea was to inspire curiosity. I feel like I’m being asked to tell too much. But thanks for the feedback!
Good point Nir, it would also help if it was explained why rescuing the pilot is so important, was the long lost pilot, a best friend, a father, brother or someone close in some way to the lead character.
—–
“When he discovers his best friend, a pilot lost at sea, might still be alive; an alcoholic former ship captain must do what he promised never to do, go back to sea.”
—–
Good point Nir, it would also help if it was explained why rescuing the pilot is so important, was the long lost pilot, a best friend, a father, brother or someone close in some way to the lead character.
—–
“When he discovers his best friend, a pilot lost at sea, might still be alive; an alcoholic former ship captain must do what he promised never to do, go back to sea.”
—–
Good point raised by Richiev.
Can you also specify the inciting incident what starts the captain off on his journey and why now?
Then go into describing the goal and what he will do to achieve it.
Hope this helps.
Good point raised by Richiev.
Can you also specify the inciting incident what starts the captain off on his journey and why now?
Then go into describing the goal and what he will do to achieve it.
Hope this helps.
I believe the problem with this logline is you have given your protagonist too many goals (In the logline)
1: He must slay demons
2: He must reassemble his crew
3: He must rescue a pilot thought dead-(no reason or motivations given why that is important)
4: He must reunite with his daughter.
I believe in the logline you should focus on the main goal in order to lower the word count and help make the logline less confusing.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!
I believe the problem with this logline is you have given your protagonist too many goals (In the logline)
1: He must slay demons
2: He must reassemble his crew
3: He must rescue a pilot thought dead-(no reason or motivations given why that is important)
4: He must reunite with his daughter.
I believe in the logline you should focus on the main goal in order to lower the word count and help make the logline less confusing.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!