(Trying to think of one. Any suggestions?)
An optimistic and energetic freshman just wants to fit in his first year in high school, but that all changes when he meets a girl who he thought he would never see again, and is propelled on a path that could very well change the meaning of ?fitting in?.
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Hello, be always very specific, who is the girl, what path, what change… a logline doesn’t tease, it’s an exact extreme synthetisis of the movie. Don’t forget to give a clear goal to the protagonist, and make clear why the girl is an opponent.
You describe the inciting incident (meets the girl) too late in the logline for it to have an impact on the read. If this is a boy meets girl love story and the event that propels him into action is meeting the girl then let it do so in the same way for the reader.
After meeting the girl of his dreams in his freshmen year a [good description for the MC] must do something…
Also you have to be specific about the whole plot not just act one or the first half of the film.
What is his goal? If it is to get the girl, what is standing in his way? How will he over come the obstacle?
It’s the answer to these questions that can make your story interesting.
So better to redraft the logline with the inciting incident up front then describe the MC then explain how he will achieve his goal.
Hope this helps.
Grease? Grease 2?
Very long, and unclear on the actual story. No need to be so vague about events — just focus on the first half of the script so you don’t give away what happens in the second half. And if he’s seen this girl before, he can’t be meeting her for the first time.
Since what you’ve presented doesn’t supply much in the way of story elements, here’s an example of what it could be about, and you can change the details to match the script while maintaing the general format:
A high school freshman just trying to fit in must contend with his childhood “girlfriend” who is now embarrassingly obsessed with him.