Emotionally Optimistic -?Comedy
An unexperienced musician will prove to his friends that he can succeed in everything he intends, starting by being a male escort.
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When I read the first line, I think it’s about musicians, but when I’m through with the whird line, I ask myself whether the movie is about a young ambitious musician or a young male escort who got way off track.
What I’d be interested in, is “why would he want to prove that to his friends?”
Did anything happen to trigger the ambition? Does he want to be a band member? Was he rejected? Then why not take a challange that would have to do with being a musician? Or does he just want to show off? Or is it about money?
I think, just one little piece of additional information or motive would give the whole thing the spice it’s missing.
Hello
I am intrigued by anything involving musicians. Why does this person specifically have to be a musician though … seems his goals are not music related. And yes you do need a specific goal. You also need an inciting incident – when …….. HAPPENS TO an inexperienced musician, he must overcome something/learn something, to ……….. [achieve his specific goal]. Hope that helps 🙂
I understand, thank you 😀
First: I’m not sure what an ‘unexperienced’ musician is??? (btw, I would personally use the word ‘inexperienced’)
Does it mean he’s just leaning to play an instrument.
Does it mean he’s an amateur; someone who plays well but doesn’t have paying gigs???
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Second: “…Will prove to his friends he can succeed in everything he intends.” This sounds as if you are giving away the ending. You are letting us know in the logline he succeeds. I would avoid giving away the end of a movie in the logline.
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Third: “Proving to his friends” is a very subjective goal. Does the lead character have a specific goal?
Anyway, this logline does need work but if you give your lead character a specific goal and leave a little mystery (don’t give away the ending) you will improve your logline.
Hope that helped, good luck with this!