New Dawn
As a fascist state that controls the GMO tech that feeds the population seeks to secure its hold on power, the poorer farmers and climate refugees in the south embark on a secret mission to get back natural seeds from a heavily fortified island.
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There are two plot issues in this version: monopolization of the seed supply via GMO and replacing peasant farmers with robots. Which one is the inciting incident? Which one constitutes the main struggle of the plot?
And while raiding a seed bank may enable the peasant farmers to reclaim their supply of seeds, what will it do to eliminate the robots?
There are two plot issues in this version: monopolization of the seed supply via GMO and replacing peasant farmers with robots. Which one is the inciting incident? Which one constitutes the main struggle of the plot?
And while raiding a seed bank may enable the peasant farmers to reclaim their supply of seeds, what will it do to eliminate the robots?
When Subas cut’s off their food supply, a young farmer must lead a raid of the heavily guarded seed bank if his village is to survive.
When Subas cut’s off their food supply, a young farmer must lead a raid of the heavily guarded seed bank if his village is to survive.
Many thanks for the input. The missing elements are in my notes – just not yet in the logline. The update looks like this:
Valour is left to lead a ragged band of survivors to raid a remote seed bank, after Subas cuts off their supply to GMO seeds and seeks to wipe out the last of the refugees and replace them with robots.
Many thanks for the input. The missing elements are in my notes – just not yet in the logline. The update looks like this:
Valour is left to lead a ragged band of survivors to raid a remote seed bank, after Subas cuts off their supply to GMO seeds and seeks to wipe out the last of the refugees and replace them with robots.
Thanks for all the great comments everybody! I think this is starting to work:
Valour leads a ragged band of survivors to raid the heavily guarded seed bank, in a last ditch attempt to win back their future before Subas, bent on genocide, destroys what little is left of humanity and the free world.
Thanks for all the great comments everybody! I think this is starting to work:
Valour leads a ragged band of survivors to raid the heavily guarded seed bank, in a last ditch attempt to win back their future before Subas, bent on genocide, destroys what little is left of humanity and the free world.
I would focus on a specific character ( a farmer perhaps) who struggles against (The State is a little vague) a specific antagonist to obtain a specific goal.
I would focus on a specific character ( a farmer perhaps) who struggles against (The State is a little vague) a specific antagonist to obtain a specific goal.
Great point. Instead of a fascist state, put a face to it. A specific Hitler or Mussolini, instead of a generic, “evil government.”
If this leader is personally responsible for doing something bad to the lead character, such as ordering the death of a brother, mother, father, best friend… maybe because they were protesting, then the story becomes personal.
Great point. Instead of a fascist state, put a face to it. A specific Hitler or Mussolini, instead of a generic, “evil government.”
If this leader is personally responsible for doing something bad to the lead character, such as ordering the death of a brother, mother, father, best friend… maybe because they were protesting, then the story becomes personal.
Like Nir mentions, you’re dealing with ideas too broad to be considered a story at this stage.
What specifically does this government do to secure its hold on power – like, what is the actual event that occurs that is the tipping point for people to go ‘you’ve pushed your luck too far’?
Who controls the government / evil entity in your film?
You have a goal – get the seeds – which is clear, and which I guess a lot of people seem to forget to include in their loglines, so I’ll give you that.
Like Nir mentions, you’re dealing with ideas too broad to be considered a story at this stage.
What specifically does this government do to secure its hold on power – like, what is the actual event that occurs that is the tipping point for people to go ‘you’ve pushed your luck too far’?
Who controls the government / evil entity in your film?
You have a goal – get the seeds – which is clear, and which I guess a lot of people seem to forget to include in their loglines, so I’ll give you that.
The subject matter,GMO (genetically modified organisms) is topical, but as the others have noted, it’s hard to get a sense of what the plot is about about.
There needs to be a specific protagonist and antagonist. A mass of people may be oppressed and exploited, but it takes a leader to focus and harness the popular discontent into a specific form of action. And there needs to be inciting incident, an event that lights the fuse, that sets off the powder keg of rebellion.
The subject matter,GMO (genetically modified organisms) is topical, but as the others have noted, it’s hard to get a sense of what the plot is about about.
There needs to be a specific protagonist and antagonist. A mass of people may be oppressed and exploited, but it takes a leader to focus and harness the popular discontent into a specific form of action. And there needs to be inciting incident, an event that lights the fuse, that sets off the powder keg of rebellion.
It’s not clear who or what the story is about from the logline.
Also vague descriptions such as “…seeks to secure its hold on power,” don’t describe a clear visual danger because depends on the type of fascist state this could be interpreted in many different ways.
As previously mentioned who is the MC? What is the goal? What is the obstacle? and what re the stakes?
Hope this helps.
It’s not clear who or what the story is about from the logline.
Also vague descriptions such as “…seeks to secure its hold on power,” don’t describe a clear visual danger because depends on the type of fascist state this could be interpreted in many different ways.
As previously mentioned who is the MC? What is the goal? What is the obstacle? and what re the stakes?
Hope this helps.
A logline gives a brief synopsis of the story.
This is more of a situation than a story.
In a story you have a lead character who wants something, but someone or something is standing in their way.
Who is the the lead character?
What do they want?
Who is standing in the way?
Why now?
A logline gives a brief synopsis of the story.
This is more of a situation than a story.
In a story you have a lead character who wants something, but someone or something is standing in their way.
Who is the the lead character?
What do they want?
Who is standing in the way?
Why now?