Car Pool
Car Pool is an action thriller set in a leafy suburb in the Mid West of America and follows Emily ,a proud struggling single mom who, when locked in a new car that is rigged with explosives, must drive the car into the heart of New York before the kidnappers execute her family.
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Ouch! Good work! Great premise ! BUT… out with the shears ! First, imply the genre, don’t state it outright. Treat it like a movie, give the audience clues – we love a puzzle, let us work stuff out.
“When Emily, a proud single mom, is locked in a car rigged with explosives, she must drive the car into the heart of New York or the kidnappers will execute her 5 year old twins.
(I think personalizing the word ‘family’ is always good). Is ‘pride’ her flaw ? Is that the negative quality she must conquer in order to achieve her goal and save her family ? if so, it’s the right adjective. If not, what is her flaw / wound / event from the past that is causing her all this grief ? Great work though! Nice one. Script written yet or just an idea ?
maybe exchange ‘kidnappers’ for ‘terrorists’ ? You know we love a terrorist flick !
I like the cut down version you supplied and personalising the family element. Her pride is her perceived strength and yes, ultimate flaw. She falls into trouble by not allowing anyone to help her…
Ultimately the film is Phone Booth in a car as the kidnappers are watching her every move…
It is in treatment phase and is on the production line with a lot of others….thanks for the feedback!