Faithless
crytersPenpusher
Caught in flagrante with a woman and ordered to consider his future, a faithless priest travels to his great-aunt?s country house where he must confront his beliefs as he unravels the mystery behind a series of demonic possessions overrunning the nearby town.
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Good comments, thanks to both of you.
I think what Richiev tried to do is suggest a way to use as much of the original logline as possible yet structure a good working logline. I personally think he succeeded as his draft contains a plot, stakes and a potential for an antagonist all at the same time describing the action the MC will take during act 2 and as such the genre as well.
As it stands the original logline lacks a specific inciting incident but eludes to one only at the end this being the demonic possession. Additionally it doesn’t describe a goal clearly enough again it eludes at the MC needing to stop demons or evil spirits but doesn’t specify.
Many of the elements that take up a large portion of the logline in the start of it appear redundant to the plot and character arch. These may be interesting additions but not vital to understanding the story therefore perhaps best to delegate the description of the woman, his orders and the setting to the treatment.
With these removed you are left with a MC being the faithless priest a very good character description as it very quickly establishes inner conflict and a flaw. This main character needs to stop demonic possessions but how specifically? Must he stop one grand demon? Must he stop the devil himself? An army of invading demons? What is going to be his major obstacle?
Lastly what is his goal specifically? And what are the stakes? Is it one or two possessed people that are at risk? The whole town? Or the whole world?
Hope this helps.
No. Nice try, but this isn’t my story at all. There’s no irony in your description of the priest and there’s certainly no child or exorcisms in my story.
“When a desperate mother asks him to investigate the demon possession off her daughter, a disgraced priest ignores church’s moratorium on exorcism and vows to to save the child.”