Mell’s Angels
Callum.SPenpusher
(Comedy) After the death of his wife (Mell),the oldest outlaw in a notorious biker gang decides to convert his bandits into neighborhood watch members, Whilst his enemies raise the price on his head.
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Sorry guys, I have a problem with my keyboard
The Bluecat Screenplay Competition has a special prize for UK screenwriters :
http://www.bluecatscreenplay.com/the-cordelia/
Tha Blecat Screenplay Competition has a special prize for UK sreenwriters :
http://www.bluecatscreenplay.com/the-cordelia/
Thanks, Website looks a bit confusing but ill defiantly look at it in more detail, Gotta revise for my exams at them moment ;(
Hi Callum.S
Visit http://www.moviebytes.com/
All you need is there.
Good Luck
Do you know of any specific contests in the UK or anything to do with publishing screenplays UK based
I’m from the uk , do you know of any specific contests in the UK or anything based in the UK ? x
I apologize dpg 🙁 , I meant “co-signed by CallumS, RichieV and dpg (who is a great psychanalist!)”
Sorry, I meant “friend of Mell”
you can also improve interest of specific audiences (latino, black,…) with specific major characters in your story.
After you’ve got your final draft :
For the USA and the Commonwealth, the best and easiest way is to enter some good US screenplay contests:
1- you can get useful feedback from professional readers to improve your work,
2- if you win, your script will already have been read by at least ten people in the art and your personal data will be widely distributed.
3- if someone is interested by your story, you will be contacted to provide … your logline!, and if it pleases you will be asked the rest.
…( Another way is to try to sleep with a producer) 😉
About your target audience :
The feature movies are distributed over all possible channels: theaters, television, downloading, streaming … and can reach all audiences.
(check the box-office on http://boxofficemojo.com or other specialized sites).
There are ten overlapping types of audiences:
– Adults and seniors, teenagers, children
– Men, women,
– Intellectuals, non-intellectual
– USA, other English-speaking and anglophile countries, and the rest of the world.
Some american movies make more than 70 % of their grosses outside the US (I.E. The adventures of Tintin, Avatar, Titanic…)
Your history will interest:
– Men
– Women if you integrate some love story (a friend of Mess -major character in your story- supports your hero and a bond will born between them)
– Adults and seniors if they are not ridiculous, teenagers if it is violent or if adults are ridiculous, children if it is filled with gags, all of these if there is a major moral dimension
– Intellectuals if it is well made, non-intellectual if it is not too involved
– U.S. and English-speaking and Anglophile countries.
The natural target audience for your story is 50 and older. Hollyweird is re-discovering that demographic group. Unlike the Millennial generation, they prefer to go to movie theaters rather than watch films on smartphones or computer screens. They have longer attention spans. And there are more of them with lots of disposable time.
Also after i’v got a final draft of the screenplay, What’s next ?
I need help with realizing the target audience, Who would watch this >?
Very true, I just wanted to get the idea down as soon as possible so i went for writing a logline on here. Thanks !
Hi CallumS,
This is a great idea for a great comedy.
Seems to me that this story will be co-signed by CallumS and RichieV (who is a great psychanalist!)
I don’t know if we can speak of “logline” for a story wich is not written. A completed screenplay must have been writtten, and rewritten and rewritten and rewritten … and rewritten once the premise (the plot idea), then the synopsis, then the chart of characters, then the treatment had been written (and sometimes rewritten). The logline is the last thing to write, I think, and I see that it is better to rewrite and rewrite it with your help.
I am a rookie here (I found this website yesterday), and I don’t speak english very well, but I realize that LOGLINE.IT is a very good laboratory to make the ideas spring, from the premise … to the logline!
Your idea is a great idea CallumS, and RichieV’s logline is a great logline. I wish i’ll read the first draft coming between the two in the coming months. This is your main goal. No matter if the final logline must be rewrote in accordance with the final story. A story wich is not written is not a story.
Good luck for this work!
That could actually work ! He has to go back to his old ways to stop the rival gang but also keep a good reputation with the Community. Keeping in mind they are all fairly old !
1. Wife dies, reunites his biker gang
2.Brainstorm about neighborhood watch team, At first the gang aren’t up for it until he convinces them. make name, logo, make clothes.
3.Get their old bikes out that they haven’t seen for years
4.Start patrolling the streets fighting crime (Saving the odd cat) Trying to change the way the community view them
5.But then his old rivals hear the news, reunite their gang to harass the community
6.The team aren’t having any of it, could possibly end up making things worse by fighting them off.
7. Community don’t want them to carry on as the neighborhood watch team due to rivalry
8.Remembers his wife’s dream, a couple days later he plans to get the community behind him again
The end is the bit i still need to develop, in some way they have to defeat the rival gang and reclaim their place as Mel’s Angels ! Earn the respect of the community.
barring in mind this is a comedy and they are all quite old ! So ill have to work on the comical aspects aswell
Sorry, I meant Honors her dying “wish”
“After his wife dies, a grieving biker honors her dying of going straight by quitting crime and forming a neighborhood but he must return to his old ways when a rival gang begins to harass his new found neighbors.”
Wow i can’t begin to explain how much this has helped ! Yeh that’s basically what i wanted but i just couldn’t find the words, Thanks !
Wow i can’t explain how much you’ve improved this ! Thank you so much aha 🙂
Based upon what you said, it seems your story premise is characterized by an ironic reversal, something along the lines of:
When a gang of aging Hell’s Angels retire from a career in crime and take up a hobby, stopping crime with a neighborhood watch group, their retirement plans are foiled by a rival biker gang hell-bent on revenge.
Ok thanks ill defiantly take this on board, i’m 16 and quite new to this so still have a long way to go. I’m studying English Literature and Language for A level as well, and have high hopes to be able to make some short films in a couple of years. Here’s a more precise description of the story – ”Mel’s Angels is a comedy about an ageing biker, who after his wife dies, reunites his old biker gang to form Mel’s dream neighborhood watch alliance. This becomes increasingly difficult when his old enemies decide to reunite their gang and cause havoc in the community.” The bikers Goal is to be rid of his guilt for not following through with his Wife’s dream, but also to turn a new leaf in life by helping the community. Some conflicts are the fact that he has a bad reputation with the community, and his old enemies want to make his new purpose in the community a living hell. The comedy comes out because they are all getting old (Not really old) but fairly old. Also the fact that their enemies are hardly a threat anymore due to their age but still think they can cause Havoc. Still a lot more development to be done but it’s getting there. Thanks for the comment, appreciate it !
About Ladykillers:
1] It was written by Joel & Ethan Coen — “A” team writers with a well-established track record and reputation. I surmise they do not have to clear the hurdle of writing concise, catchy loglines with every script as do unknowns trying to break in to the business.
What’s so freakin’ funny and catchy about a logline like: “A slacker ‘Dude’ named Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire Lebowski, seeks restitution for a ruined rug and enlists his bowling buddies to help get it.” But because of their unique sensibility, and experience, they can pull off story lines that mere mortals couldn’t get away with. Exhibit A: “The Big Lebowski”.
But because of their track record , they can get projects green lighted that unknowns with similar stories can’t.
2] Since they direct their own scripts, they have creative control to realize their vision of the story.
3] Even so, they don’t always score home runs or even triples with their films. “Ladykillers” was not a salient commercial nor critical success.
Just saying.
>> I just thought that it would be funny to start the film with a church full of bikers
IOW: the woman’s death is in the backstory. Not seen on screen. As I said earlier, that can work.
More power to you with your story.
Sort of Off topic, but although i haven’t fully written or developed the story i have some fairly funny scenes lurking in my brain. For example in one scene they are trying to brainstorm an idea for their teams name, and all the members present slideshows/ Present ideas and logos. All the logos and names And slogans are really violent, which highlights how these characters might change towards the end of the story
Successful comedy’s always highlight funny things by contratsing them with sad things or a dilemma. Throughout the Hangover its not all rainbows and unicorns, they are in a major dilemma that jeopardizes their relationships and life’s all together, its funny because this contrasts with funny moments.
Then again you are the audience so i think ill follow that through if that works better
As much as i do think that would work i wanted to contrast the death to highlight the comical side of the story. For example the film ”Ladykillers” basically ends in half the characters dying, But i do see how the death could compromise the comedy. I just thought that it would be funny to start the film with a church full of bikers, some even crying over the death, cramped next to ordinary citizens. Then the comical aspects come out when they try to become good. But maybe it would be better for this old tough biker to fall in love and be influenced to change his ways
Well, if the good lady dies on screen, that’s a real bummer for a comedy. Not saying it can’t be done — you can make it work in a dark comedy, but in a light comedy? (On the other hand, if her demise is in the backstory — off screen — then it’s easier to work in as a story element for the comedy genre.)
But, then, why does she have to die? Because if you kill her off, then where’s your “B” story, your love story? You gotta have a love story in a comedy. It’s required for the genre. (The sole exception I can think of is Monty Python).
So instead of killing her off , why not make meeting and getting emotionally involved with her in the first act the inciting incident for the rest of the plot?
Her name Is Mel btw not Mell, my mistake aha
Ok so here’s first ideas for the reasons behind the group forming.
Before Mell met the biker (No idea of names yet, still need to develop) she wanted to start a neighborhood watch team after an incident with the other Bikers. However when she meets the man she decides to not form the group because it would jeopardize their relationship. Few years later she dies (Still need to know why) then he feels guilty for not pursuing her dreams whilst she pursued his. So he converts his gang into A neighborhood watch team called Mell’s Angels. You can already realise some conflict ‘Will the bikers join the team’ ‘Will the bikers respect the man anymore’ ‘What will their enemies think”
The only reasons i’v come up with is possibly because she wanted to start one herself, but then married him so decided to not. After she dies, he feels guilty from stopping her from starting her dream neighborhood watch alliance and starts his own, called Mell’s Angels. How could i tie this into the Logline, your response is great thanks !
Tbh I still haven’t really developed the plot, at this stage it’s because his wife always wanted him to change I guess , Ill have to work on it
Yh thanks ill have to tweak it thanks for the comments !
Correction: “…The king died, and then the queen died of grief is a plot.”
I’m scratching my head. What is the causal link between the death of wife and the decision to turn his biker gang into a neighborhood watch team? Is he doing it out of guilt? Grief? Or is just a coincidence?
A logline is about the plot. And E.M. Forster formulated the essential nature of a plot this way: “The king died and then the queen died is a story. The king died, and then queen died of grief is a plot.” (“Aspect of the Novel”).
I see a story in the logline, but not a plot. The relationship between the wife’s death and the forming of a neighborhood watch team seems coincidental instead of causal. What’s the emotional trigger between her death and the biker’s decision?
*bad guys, not bag guys
I think it’s mostly there; just needs a tidy up. My suggestion?
“After the death of his wife, an ageing biker converts his gang into a neighbourhood watch alliance, even as the club’s enemies come for his life.”
I would ask – how is the wife’s death specifically linked to the club? Did she die as part of an attack on the club? I just want to see that tied in even more strongly with the rest of the film – that the club is the reason she’s dead.
I changed “decides to convert” to “converts” to drops some words from the word count, but also to make it more of a visual action. Deciding to do something doesn’t evoke quite as much camera fodder as actually doing something. Likewise, I don’t want to watch the bag guys becoming more decisive that they want to kill him … I want to see them try to kill him, thus the change to “the club’s enemies come for his life.”
I like the title and the idea; I’d probably watch this film.