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Kriss Tolliday
Posted: September 18, 20122012-09-18T00:27:12+10:00 2012-09-18T00:27:12+10:00In: Public

Courtroom thriller set in the 90's. A young lawyer's family is put at risk when a persistent journalist convinces the World that his client on a manslaughter charge may be hiding a horrific identity, an identity that strikes fear into everybody.

A DIRT OF HELL

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    4 Reviews

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    1. 2012-09-18T08:22:15+10:00Added an answer on September 18, 2012 at 8:22 am

      Firstly, I wouldn’t put the time or decade inside the logline. In the synopsis, yes. Next, the logline is busy with information and thus read a bit garbled. Try to keep it tighter, e.g. “The life of a lawyer is put in danger when a journalist tries to convince the world that his client holds a deadly secret”. Or similar.

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    2. Richiev Singularity
      2012-09-18T11:43:18+10:00Added an answer on September 18, 2012 at 11:43 am

      The way you wrote it can be confusing. It reads as if the Journalist has a client. I would use “The client” instead of “his client.”

      I think this is a great idea, sort of like an updated “Servants of Twilight.”

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    3. Blue Parrot
      2012-09-18T19:43:56+10:00Added an answer on September 18, 2012 at 7:43 pm

      I agree with the above. It wasn’t clear the relationship between the lawyer and the journalist. As written it is also not imminently clear why the revelation would threaten the… lawyer? Look for a clearer way to state and link the protagonist, the goal, the antagonist and the stakes. Keep it up!

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    4. Kriss Tolliday
      2012-09-21T20:23:27+10:00Added an answer on September 21, 2012 at 8:23 pm

      Thanks for the comments. I have had another attempt at it so search A Dirt Of Hell and see if I have made it any better. Thanks again guys much appreciated.

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