Final Send Off (revision)
Expecting a big extortion payoff, an esteemed detective's last case forces him to protect his extortion partners and save his reputation.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
I’m a little confused. So the detective’s last case involves partnering a group of people to extort someone? In addition, the detective is trying to save his reputation (as a law-abiding non-extortionist?) And he is also protecting his partners from something.
For starters I think you need to get rid of one of the ‘extortions’ as best not to repeat yourself in such a short blurb. It would also be good to know if the last case has something to do with a former case or what the magnitude of the case is. The line you have done gives us the general outline but might be good if you could go into a little more depth without adding too many more words.
Timmyelliot and Kriss channelled my thoughts exactly. Seems like there was a misprint somewhere along the line…
How about something like this?
“In order to receive his big payoff, a retiring dirty cop must protect his extortion partners and himself before he’s caught by internal affairs.”
The problem there, Richiev, is that there’s no protagonist. The audience has to root FOR somebody.
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge
I was hoping it would be clear that the detective was involved with the crime. After a few rewrites, I thought I had nailed it but will investigate an better approach. I was hoping identifying him as esteemed it would give way to the importance of saving face.
Isn’t the “retiring dirty cop” a protagonist?
He is saying the protagonist isn’t likable, (or doesn’t seem like it in the logline)
Oh. I see.