Final Send Off (revision)
Expecting a big extortion payoff, an esteemed detective's last case forces him to protect his extortion partners and save his reputation.
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Oh. I see.
He is saying the protagonist isn’t likable, (or doesn’t seem like it in the logline)
Isn’t the “retiring dirty cop” a protagonist?
I was hoping it would be clear that the detective was involved with the crime. After a few rewrites, I thought I had nailed it but will investigate an better approach. I was hoping identifying him as esteemed it would give way to the importance of saving face.
The problem there, Richiev, is that there’s no protagonist. The audience has to root FOR somebody.
Geno Scala (sharkeatingman), judge
How about something like this?
“In order to receive his big payoff, a retiring dirty cop must protect his extortion partners and himself before he’s caught by internal affairs.”
Timmyelliot and Kriss channelled my thoughts exactly. Seems like there was a misprint somewhere along the line…
For starters I think you need to get rid of one of the ‘extortions’ as best not to repeat yourself in such a short blurb. It would also be good to know if the last case has something to do with a former case or what the magnitude of the case is. The line you have done gives us the general outline but might be good if you could go into a little more depth without adding too many more words.
I’m a little confused. So the detective’s last case involves partnering a group of people to extort someone? In addition, the detective is trying to save his reputation (as a law-abiding non-extortionist?) And he is also protecting his partners from something.