The Hold Out
Extraterrestrial monsters destroy humanity, save for an obstinate survivalist who vows revenge.
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Seems like the story could parallel Planet of the Apes, where the survivor must find some support from disenfranchised aliens and wage a counter offensive. Being a survivalist, he has pretty much already met his goal: he survived.
Very true.
This is in part why I originally suggested to give the MC a grand goal of stopping the aliens from doing this again. This way despite the lose of humanity there still are great stakes at hand.
>>he?s forced to fight, or risk discovery.?
Only discovery? Not death?
And if as the original logline suggests, the survivalist is indeed the last homo sapiens, after he wreaks revenge on the aliens — what good will that do? Mankind is doomed to extinction anyway.
Bummer.
This version reads very well and describes a clear plot. I would only add a character flaw and reduce the word count a bit, for example:
During an alien invasion a paranoid man flees into the woods, after one of the tentacled interlopers stumbles across his camp he?s forced to fight, or risk discovery.
This reads like a setup for a film and sequel as presumably after the hero beats the alien he will need to beat the invading alien force in the second movie as well.
Thanks Nir, I appreciate the advice you’ve given regarding character goals. I’ve made a revision, can you tell me if you think it makes for a clearer plot? Does this still need more detail?
“During an alien invasion a fainthearted survivalist flees to a retreat he’s prepared in the woods, but when one of the tentacled interlopers stumbles across his camp he’s forced to fight, or risk discovery.”
The latest draft of the logline describes a survival story with a clear inciting incident but no goal and as such fails to describe a compelling plot.
The goal needs to be directly related to the inciting incident.
What is it he wants to do as a result of the alien invasion?
To survive is a generic description that has no definitive ending, survive for how long? In what way? Where? How will this be visually captured on camera?
Better to specify the event or achievement that will make it clear he has survived. By this I mean for example; if he is being chased by a specific alien who is the only one that knows he is alive in the woods, then by killing this alien he will survive. His goal can then be to kill the chasing alien.
Other wise the latest draft proposes two possibilities in the end with neither answering the question of what will happen and neither indicating a complete plot.
Hope this helps.
Thanks for your comments everyone, your help is greatly appreciated.
FFF, I’m very glad you mentioned ‘Last Man on Earth’, that is one of my very favorite movies. I’m picturing the world of my log line to look something akin to the television show ‘Falling Skies’ or the Sci Fi made for TV film ‘Alien Apocalypse’.
It was pointed out in the comments that this log line does not indicate the plot well. I’ve worked on a revision that I hope addresses this. I’ve also tried some alterations in the protagonist’s character and goals.
“During an alien invasion a fainthearted survivalist flees to a retreat he’s prepared in the woods, but detects one of the monstrous interlopers nearby – will he run, or stay and fight?”
Please let me know how you feel about this.
Many thanks!
A main character with a positive and noble goal will be easier for the audience to develop empathy with than a character with a self serving negative goal.
My take still is that there should be a few survivors on earth, otherwise the story has to go into tricky quantum physics – where a break through quantum physics scientist want’s to save alternate Earth – with different versions of him and his family – by traveling through wormholes.
Good luck! there are millions of Earth if you believe in [this part] of quantum physics But then you have to start with explaining quantum?s’ “crossroad” theory. Don’t even start… although the movie “Next” (2007) did a good job.
And why should he save worlds he’s not interested in or does not know they even exist. Worlds come and go with or without alternative versions of Necromongers.
About the list I oversaw that, your right!
To quote Iron Man in the first Avengers. “We might not be able to save the earth, but you can be dam sure we’ll avenge it”.
The MC is hell bent on revenge but this on its own is a negative and self centred ambition perhaps his motivation should be to prevent this from happening on other worlds instead.
As mentioned above the logline lacks a clear plot. The inciting incident is clear; humanity is killed, but not personal (however it is implied). How about specifying that he wants to avenge his family being killed after humanity is wiped out and in doing so is motivated to saving the next world the alines are targeting.
Hope this helps.
“Note: This list doesn’t include any movies where the world is destroyed at the beginning or in the middle ? just at the end.”
I think that in this logline the world is (almost) completely destroyed at the beginning so this is a very different situation but maybe I didn’t understand the logline.
I’m looking foreward to read some more accomplished versions of the logline.
Anyway, this kind of story is tricky: I don’t think the destruction of the heart can be a true inciting event, it is not enough personal to the main character. There must be something more precise like “when his family is exterminated by the alien invaders, one of the very last survivors on earth…” or maybe the inciting event could be some kind of discovery: “when the last survivor on earth finds some nuclear weapons in a cave…”
… The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) and a few others: http://io9.com/5905092/movies-where-the-world-actually-gets-destroyed-in-the-end
Good point Sloan, translating “World Invasion: Battle Los Angeles” where “A squadron of U.S. Marines becomes the last line of defense against a global invasion.” — into my two cents:
“After a global extraterrestrial invasion destroys almost all of humanity,the greenhorn leader of humanities last hope – a highly specialisted death squadron – must bomb the bloodthirsty aliens into oblivion and revenge his murdered family. while sparing what’s left of humanity. ‘
… But than a logline that’s a lot better constructed.
There are a lot of ways to skin this cat. I would go down the, depressed and decides to take a few with him. Then discovers their weakness and sees how he can get revenge.
A great final goal, a reward for killing them all (other than just killing them all) would be a good focus for the story.
… True words, but only when the loglines construction really reflects the ‘meant’ story.
And yes, this movie seems to describe “his “hold out” until he can come up with a magnificent plan to save the human race from ‘complete’ extinction. So I guess – what I learned here – start with the inciting incident:
After an extraterrestrial [described] monsters destroy almost all of humanity, a [flawed protag] does [X] to [monsters] to get his revenge.
I like the survivalist angle you have taken. Could it maybe be a band of survivalists? Sounds like he will win but eventually be alone. I think knowing more about the main character would make me more interested. Is he an eccentric old guy? Or maybe a younger guy new to survivalist lifestyle? Or these two opposites could team up?
Hello,
If my understandig of the logline is correct, I don’t agree with the previous comment because I can’t remember a movie where extraterrestrials really destroy humanity (only “hitchikers guide”). I saw many times an invasion and an attempt to destroy humanity. If you’re story is really about a lonely survivor who wants to take his revenge, I’m interested! The only movie I can think of is “last man on heart” and the 2 remakes “I am legend” – but they were vampires and it was more about healing the humanity (you should watch this movies anyway).
The real problem is that the logline only describes the beginning of the movie and doesn’t tell much about the plot. Can you include some details about what really happens in the movie, what we will see in the movie?
This is a movie that is made over and over… and OVER again; if you want ‘any’ impact tell us the out of this world (unique) way the survivalist is going to battle the extraterrestrial monsters ! And – what the construction of your logline suggests – when Earth is destroyed there is ‘nothing’ left to revenge?