“All of Us”
"For reliable Riley Duncan, the weeks between spring break and prom prove that the lessons of love and life learned on the back of pickup truck, a dumpster dive, and from one strange Echo will become the events he?ll retell for a lifetime."
Share
Alas, I’m more mystified (rather than intrigued).
>> his search for love
For the purpose of a logline, that has to become embodied in a specific person. Take a cue from Bill Shakespeare:
Setup: Romeo is more in love with love than a specific person.
Triggering incident: when he lays eyes upon Juliet, he’s no longer in love with love: he’s in love with a flesh and blood human being.
My first question is, why now? What event sends him on the quest for love?
“A cow, a dumpster and a visitor from the East are just some of the things Riley Duncan has to navigate in his search for love, but a lone Echo produces a sound that even love may not conquer.”
“A cow, a dumpster and a visitor from the East are just some of the things Riley Duncan has to navigate in his search for love, but a lone Echo produces a sound that even love may not conquer.”
Thanks fellas…rewrite coming…
At this point, the only action you have the lead character doing is “retelling a story for a lifetime” which sounds like a boring movie.
The rest of the logine are things that happen too the lead character.
That doesn’t mean you have a bad story, it just means you haven’t emphasized the right plot points in the correct way to make a compelling logline.
Listen to DPG, tell us what the lead character wants? What’s the characters goal?
Hope that helps, good luck with this!
I’m guessing the story belongs to the coming of age genre and the main character is a boy, but otherwise I’m clueless. Where’s the bait? What’s the hook?
What does the kid want — what’s his objective goal?
Who or what opposes him?
What’s at stake? What does he stand to gain if he succeeds, lose if he fails?