Penpusher
Posted: 2015-06-14T15:10:28+10:00 In:

For years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep, but when one man manages to escape with his life, he sets off a dramatic chain of events that will ultimately reveal the hidden truth.

The River

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    4 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      Many thanks to FFF, dpg and Nir Shelter.
      All your comments have been taken on board.
      I see what you mean… I think…
      I have a difficult aspect of my story in that I am trying to lead the reader into a thinking one thing and then discovering another. So, how to write a logline that does not betray that is proving to be super, super difficult!

      sigh!

      try, try again 🙂

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    2. Singularity

      This portion of the logline is back story and setup: “…For years, something has lurked in the rugged gorges of the river country, Australia; terrifying, injuring or killing those who venture too deep,?”
      The above shouldn’t be in your logline. A logline focuses on the present progressive and eludes to the future with the forward motion of a driving goal not the past.

      “…a dramatic chain of events?” is a description of all stories ever told and therefore too vague. What is the actual chain of events that take place in your story? It is through their uniqueness that you will be able to structure your plot well and inspire intrigue when telling people about it.

      Lastly what is the main character’s flaw this will make his journey an interesting one.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. Singularity

      So the hidden truth is ultimately revealed? So what? What difference does it make in the life of the protagonist (and others)? What are the consequences? What must the protagonist DO about what has been revealed–or else? What’s at stake?

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    4. Mentor

      Hello, writing a logline is a lot of pain: you have to identify clearly the inciting event (what put the story in motion), clearly identify you main charcater (“one man” is so vague!), and evoking mysterious things (some “hidden truth”) is not a mean to build curiosity (not in a logline anyway). And everything should be said in ONE SENTENCE, no more than 30-40 words.

      Take the time to think deeper about the story you want to tell, beginning, plot and end must be crystal clear in your mind (do you really know how your story ends? what is the “chain of events” your talking about? If all this is not clear, there’s no way to put that in the logline in an interesting form.

      Don’t hesitate to google some “how to write a logline” guides, it helps a lot.

      Good luck!

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